Relapse and quasi recovery sos
Hey this is my first time ever posting on reddit after being a silent reader for years. This is sort of a cry for any kind of support from someone who's experienced something similar at some point.
I've pretty much been consumed by my eating disorder since I was 16. I'm now turning 27 and I feel so embarrassed that I haven't been able to recover and maintain a healthy weight without restricting or binging.
I've started abusing glp1 this year and I got pretty unhealthy with it. Long story short I'm choosing to recover (even though I've had many failed attempts). I would choose to recover and suddenly experience extreme hunger for weeks before I get scared of how my body was reacting and changing to the weight gain so I would then go back to restrictive old habits. This was the cycle for 10 years.
I think coming on a decade of this life I'm over it. I'm going all in after participating in a clinical trial to medically treat anorexia. I've put on a lot of weight. I'm pretty embarrassed because people have always been used to me being smaller. I feel like I've failed myself and worried people wont like me anymore because of my size.
Anyway I think I'm looking for some success stories post extreme hunger. I would goes 2-3 days eating above maintenance (3k calories), and then one day I would suddenly get horrible binge urges and I would eat upwards of 10k calories. Then the next day my hunger would go back to normal. And this has been the case for the past month. Will these extreme hunger signals ever go away? I'm so tired of eating and feeling uncomfortable. It's getting harder and harder to look at myself in the mirror and be neutral about it.
Also Im so sad because my best friend is getting married and I got my dress custom made when I was at my lowest weight. Now I'm up at. least 10kg. this sucks haha
Can I use a glp1 to just keep the extreme hunger and food noise down so i can just eat above maintenance and slowly let my body trust that food will always be here?