How bad is it?
This might sound stupid, but I’ve never considered myself an addict or to have an addictive personality aside from nicotine use (I’ve been smoking for 2 decades.)
I started using ketamine maybe 6 months ago. Within maybe two months, maybe less (I have a bad memory and am bad with timelines - this has been an issue pre-ketamine), I started using daily. I use in the morning after I take care of my cats and make coffee, a couple times during the day, and usually before bed. I like the ritual of it (I get water, a vape, usually put on music, have my box with paraphernalia it) and set everything out. I love the feeling, the dissociation, the body high, how it takes away emotional and physical pain, how I’m not on my phone, I’m not bored, I’m just there. I used to only use with my partner, but now I use alone. Sometimes I use without telling her, I’ve started being sneaky. The other day she came home and found me clinging to the wall with powder all over my face and eyes rolled back and had to drag me to bed. I had also taken a benzo and had two drinks which caused me to become intoxicated, but my first instinct when I got home was to immediately go into the bathroom and use, and apparently use a large amount. I don’t keep track of how much I use a week.
I haven’t noticed physical side effects really yet. Sometimes I urinate more frequently, but it’s not consistent.
I really don’t want to stop. My partner keeps saying we should slow down, or use every other day, but I feel anxious and annoyed when she says this
How worried should I be?