u/Sufficient_Hold5498

>I cut the violence content and the slogan based on feedback that the bit was over-indexed on goose-as-threat. The current version frames the geese as petty annoyances instead.
Does the parody target land more clearly?
Where does the bit lose energy?
I Also threw in a set up punch structure so I could immediately break it.
I cut about 65 words from the bit and rewrote some sections entirely.
Previous Version here.

I don't really talk about politics. You know? Except at work and Thanksgiving dinner.

But there's something the government doesn't want you to know. Illegal migrants are still crossing the border. And once they're here, they're federally protected. I don't see any of them here, so I'll just say it. I'm talking about Canadian geese.

Canada's worst ambassadors. Canadians are welcomed the world over. The geese? Not so much. You know what I have to deal with when these birds are "in town"? They don't care about anyone. Is this really the best time to have your 14 babies cross the road? And don't charge at me, pal — I'm just trying to get to my car.

Supposedly they migrate. So we call them snowbirds. Hey Canada — you know, we could let our snowbirds migrate too. Just Florida's drunkest old people up there, waddling around, blocking traffic, honking at everyone. I mean, at least our snowbirds shit where they're supposed to. In their pants. 'Merica.

Why did the goose cross the road? I don't fucking know. They have wings.

Look. I'm not a goose-ist. And I know what you're thinking, that I'm about to say the goosiest thing ever but I heard these Canadians don't even speak English.

And when Canada sends these birds, they're not sending their best. They're sending criminals. They're eating the dog and the cats... food. And they are absolutely shitting on everything.

And some, I assume, are good geese.

I don't really talk about politics.

Except at work and Thanksgiving dinner.

But what they don't want you to know is that illegal migrants are still coming over the border every day.

And once they're here, they're protected. 50% of them never leave.

I'm talking about Canadian geese.

Without a doubt, Canada's worst ambassadors.

Canadians are loved worldwide, but somehow Candian geese are hated everywhere they go.

That's because Canadian geese, they don't choose violence.

They just are violence.

I'm just trying to walk to my car, and now I'm being attacked for no reason.

Then some stranger who wasn't even there is accusing me of harassing the geese.

She's yelling at me to leave them alone.

What are you talking about? I'm the victim here, lady.

Now I'm being attacked twice for something I didn't even do.

Some people call them snowbirds.

I call them seven pound shitbags.

Hey Canada — we can always just send our snowbirds up there.

You know, Florida's drunkest retirees,

waddling around,

blocking traffic,

honking at everyone.

I mean, at least our snowbirds don't shit on your car.

Look. I'm not a goose-ist.

And I know what you're thinking, that I'm about to say the most goose-ist thing ever.

But I've never been attacked by an American goose.

And when Canada sends these birds, they're not sending their best.

They're sending criminals.

They're eating the dogs and eating the cats....food.

And they are absolutely shitting on everything.

And some, I assume, are good geese.

Make American Geese Again.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Question: How does this read? I'm a MAGA person? I'm making fun of MAGA? I just hate geese? Geese just hate me?

Structure of this bit for those confused or interested.

Setup / Misdirect — conspiratorial opener that lets the audience believe the bit is about immigration

Reveal — "I'm talking about Canadian geese"

Contrast — Canada good, geese bad

Indictment — the character documents goose crimes

Snowbird Trade — diplomatic proposal, Florida retirees as parallel

Goose-ist Disclaimer — racist-disclaimer rhetorical move applied to geese

Trump Cadence — "not sending their best, criminals, eating the dogs..."

Closer / Button Stack — concession, slogan, sign-off