I don’t usually talk politics, but I think we need age limits. Pilots have to retire at 65, right? I don’t want to be rollin down the runway at takeoff when the captain comes on and says welcome passengers, this is your pilot, Mitch McConnell.
As soon as he says his name, the oxygen masks drop. I want my pilot to be AOC.
Sugar The Surf Dog, was inducted into the Surfers Hall Of Fame..My first thought was "Wow,there's a surfers hall of fame."
She is the first Dog to be inducted but i bet she's not the first BIT**...
Women don't want a man that is loyal & honest. For the last 13 yrs every woman I've dated has known about my wife..
My Wife and I are expecting...the divorce to go through.
The hardest part was saying goodbye to my kids...it was her favorite towel.
At one point she stopped telling me when she would orgasm...she knew not to bother me at work.
While we were together, I realized we had different sleeping habits. I tend to toss and turn.. She slept with her girlfriend..
Ironic, the one thing that brought us together, inevitably tore us apart. We both enjoy eating vaginas.
When I was in junior high, I got mono. I didn't know it was called "the kissing disease," but when I got back to school my buddies all high-fived me and they were like, "nice!" So the next week I came back and I was like, "hey guys, guess what? I got herpes!" And they were like, "too far, William. Too far." But I actually did have herpes.
(I'm a fermenting gentleman)
I call anyone under forty “kids”. Kids in their forties call themselves whip smart….and nearly dead.
My goal is to live to 100, so I’m a full Billy Eilish from dead. Which means I still have a chance to write “Bad Guy”, in the style of Frank Sinatra. You don’t need to fear me because I know who Billy Eilish is. I actually have no clue who she is, but Google says she’s 25.
I’ve had four types of cancer: sarcoma, basal, melanoma and prostate. I’m ok now, but one of those nasty bastards ate my wiener. So my wife became a vegetarian.
I got new hearing aides recently. Some conversation I still can’t hear, but some little teeny weeny things are super clear. shhhh, listen…can you hear that??? Back in that corner …two cockroaches are fucking.
Shhhh (wait for quiet)……..you hear that laughter? Yeah, me neither.