u/Sugary_Cutie

New here. So sorry if I tag wrong, if so let me know. I need so much help. My future visions are either strong or weak and no, I have no clue what option.

What do I do? Any advice? Help? Comfort? i will take anything.

I posted my issue on r/spirituality already but for yous who don't wanna dig here is the situation:

I have 4 days maximum (with potential for more but very unlikely) to make a life decision. A very important one. Do I run away like fate says? Or stay put/home?

My future vision works like this:

Everything is predicted. Everything. EVERYTHING. From the beginning to the end. From insignificant to significant. No changes in my slightly over 2 decades were feasible, for they've been predicted. Like everything is 1 step ahead of each attenpt. All fate, no destiny.

Except, it was all in one dream. Just one. From the single moment of all my life, just one dream. Then no remembering it. Just bits and pieces throughout. Doing dishes? Oh I predicted that. Witnessing my sibling go somewhere? Predicted that too. Move a cup in a certain way? Oh I remember that happening too! It is like future vision déjà vu. But with memory.

It doesn't always happen immediately. Sometimes it is seconds after, sometimes minutes after, hours, days, weeks, months or even year/years after to remember I faresaw it. But when the realization hits it is just me subtlely widening my eyes in a dawning horror of someone trying to hide that something very wrong is happening soon.

Just the one dream. Just the one.

My life feels like a terminal illness, a death row inmate waiting for a very slow execution on execution day, like a motorcycle rider going down a singular path and seeing the brick wall at the end approaching and not able to stop; just a acceptance drowned in melancholy. Today I feel the march of a prisoner walking to the execution. Yesterday I felt like a motorcyclist seeing the brick wall too late? Or maybe early? Like knowing there is a brick wall but expecting your bike to turn around before hitting it or something but the bike was messed up and couldn't.

I try to protect myself in the bike hypothetical. I wear my kneepads and helmet and stuff but the bike is going 115 mph at a brick wall on a dirt road covered in glass and sharp rocks and nothing much can save you at that point. Just seeing the brick wall and mental goodbyes seconds before the crash. For the bike rider it 4 seconds now. Me is 4 days.

I feel like Konrad Curze over here. But if they were a regular person and didn't harm people and stuff. Just absolutely going mad, and not the figurative one. I know I have to make the choice, but I need help. It is my own decision but I need help.

Right now I have 4 days left to make a choice. Do I run or not? What do I do? Why do I foresee me running if I know doing so is so so bad? Why is every choice a "pick how you want to die" execution? What spirit/deity has been sicced on me since before I was born to give me such future vision? One where it is only true fate and no alternative path, yet the instinctual knowing other paths aren't friendlier? No one in my life will believe me either. All me myself and I in a fate unchanged and fixed. No destiny here.

What do I do? Is there anything anyone can do? Is there anyone who can redirect me to somewhere who can? Anything at all? More info is on my other post about it if you need more info but I am stuck and screaming at myself to make a choice but no choice has come to me yet, and my phone is at 19% and I need to prepare for EVERY possibility available to me at once (running, staying, who knows what else but I know there are others too)

What do I do?

I am distraught right now. I don't know what to do. Or what to tag this as. Hate me all you want, I will not mind. Apologies if this is the wrong tag. Let me know if I need to tag this as NSFW or something too.

I am having a terrible time. I don't know what to do. What to feel. I have always had future visions. They are a curse. A curse a curse a curse a curse.

Here is how they work:

1 dream, just one, when I was young. It had detailed EVERYTHING. Everything. Everything. Me growing up. Me and my family's arguments. Bonding with my family. The words said. Actions done. Dogs. Cats. My lack of ability to do stuff. Running away. The streets. Apparently dumpsters can be blue. That ONE LOCATION. Everything. My hesitance to move. My inability to change anything. I hate all of it.

The issue isn't just that. It is how it works beyond that 1 singular dream. It works off that one dream, but then you forget all of it. Until you see the future vision through déjà vu with memory, it seems fine. So by the time I remember that future vision, it already happened. It can be right after or even years after. And you can't change what JUST happened, or already happened. By the time it happened it is stuck. I feel like a passive hand of fate. I want destiny. I want autonomy. Individuality. Not fate. Not one singular path. Not being ordered around like a puppet on future's strings. I wanna pick my own life.

I know what'll happen. When. Why. How. What. Where. Everything. The sights I will see, the struggles, the pain And I am going insane. No idea what to do. Everything is maddening. No idea what to do.

Is there ANY ADVICE any future vision havers (if here and not in another subreddit) can do for me? I am so sad, scared, defeated, distraught, broken, maddened, guilty, and no choice I have leads to an end that is good. Should I stay? Run like predicted? I don't wanna go out like that. But everything is leading to it and all I wanna do is force my heels down in the ground and stay but I know I'll probably run. I just wanna stab my feet into the ground and be unable to run. Yet everything is leading to running faster and faster. I was even given the green backpack I was predicted to run with. The boots I wore. The horror keeps coming.

What evidence will I even have to be able to prove it all to you? For all I know I will be laughed out of here, banned, consoled, unhelpful advice, too helpful, who knows but future me, at least until I remember the answer and scream soft and exhaling like a dying man's breath with subtly widened eyes of horror as it just keeps going.

This post isn't helping. But I just wanna ramble. Wanna keep writing. Give up. Change everything. Try to find a path I cannot see. No road I have isn't made of dirt with sharp rocks and glass with a dead end sign at the end of the path. I feel like a motorcyclist speeding up only to see the brick wall too late. Well, maybe too early? Like knowing there is a brick wall at the end and expecting to be able to turn back home but lost control of the bike and knowing that your bike is faulty. Like an out of control of the rider type of motorcycle. At 150 mph with no way to hop off, no way to stop, change paths, or avoid the brick wall. Just a resigning of everything to horror and panic and acceptance and grief.

I feel like if Konrad Curze wasn't a primarch and didn't hurt people. Just a melancholy knowing with madness brewing.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Where to go? What to do? Anything at all please. I beg of you. Please. Please please something anything please please please. I have no idea what to do. Anyrhing at all. Redirecting to a new subreddit, directions on what to do, advice, telling me what god/goddess I could've gotten mad at me and then sicced themself on me in a past life even, just something. I don't care if this sends me to an insane asylum. That alone will make me happier right now. I am in final days of desperation.