Understanding a man with bpd
Hi!
I’m trying to better understand how the bpd mind works. Please only reply if you have bpd. I’ve asked about this on a different group and was flooded by people who were hating on bpd because they were hurt in the past.
I’ve been talking to a man diagnosed with bpd for about 18 months, on and off. We live in different countries and we never met but the connection is there. I’ve educated myself about bpd. He has a good job and has had it for a long time so he is functioning well,
He became terrified of meeting me though, saying he was almost destroyed by his ex, who was probably his fp and cannot go through that again. So he wouldn’t even meet me. He equals a casual meeting with a whole future that will end up badly for him. He says i’m the most intriguing woman he’s ever met and that’s why he cannot do this in person. (I am older, at a different level career wise, and very autonomous).
I’ll add a part of a message he recently sent. And after that he keeps his phone mostly off. He started by using FocusMode in the periods of time I messaged more actively and now resorted to turning off his phone and only turning it on briefly. (When my messages get delivered)
The message is not in English originally so this is a translation
“We have a very strong culture of love in X , very monogamous and almost sacred. Unlike some countries, like those in Y, where relationships can be lived differently, love is deeply rooted in our society. But everyone has their own experiences, and my personal relationship with love is quite particular.
In your opinion, why do you think I love violence so much? Why do I have this need to confront others, to fight with everyone I come across, to practice activities that are more and more dangerous? Feeling pain, constantly confronting the fear of death… that’s what makes me feel alive. Those are the only emotions I have always known, the only ones familiar to me. They managed to fill a void.
Unfortunately, I grew up without real love, with the constant contempt of my father and the indifference of my mother. A long time ago, I understood the reasons for my behavior and identified the roots of this very flawed construction of myself as a human being.
I tried to experience this emotion called love, but honestly,
I’m not built for it. I gave body and soul to obtain something I had never received before, and I became dependent on it, just like I became dependent on the person who gave me that love. The fall was the most brutal thing in my life when I lost everything. It almost cost me my life.
I never want to experience that kind of pain again. My life is much more beautiful when I limit myself to what I have, to what I can control”
So I proposed casual since he said love is not for him. But he won’t even hear it. He is afraid that I can be with any man, so I believe on the contrary to this message he actually wants love and attachment.
But i am curious to how his brain works .
Thank you!