I've not lived here all but a couple years but going off via historical tornado paths/reports was todays storm just some extreme that rarely happens? Does it feel like the general weather for this area is just changing in general?
I feel for those without power as my own was off nearly 16 hours straight yesterday and about 4-5 today. Quite wild stuff
I wanna preface my post by saying me and my partner both have mental issues, some are similar and some are vastly different.
We have been together nearing 7-8 years, and they got me away from my biological family after they abused me my entire life up until the point. I'm in my early 30's now.
I was up until then isolated near my entire life in ways that is hard to actually communicate to others; I wasn't in public school due to health/bullying/many other reasons. I had no friends, I had no caring family, most importantly I was a shut-in and lived in a very small midwestern town.
I near never left my room for about 20 years for a very large list of negative reasons, and that did damage too me I can't explain. It also made me ignorant and confused on how to deal with a lot of interpersonal things. I would not consider it an insult to say I am- clueless with how to do a lot of things that I should know by now.
We did not move in with each other only, we live with my partners parents. It has been not 'entirely horrible' but it is clear to me that the people involved including my partners dynamics with them have a significant amount of problems and dysfunction. I wasn't familiar with the full extent of it until I moved.
On to the main reason I am posting and why I had to lay a bit of groundwork:
Me and my partner are worlds apart day to day, mentally and emotionally. She has a constant tendency to become so depressed she can't function, isn't aware of some of her actions/doesn't care, becomes essentially a vegetable and an energy/emotional vampire.
I have my own days where I can become severely depressed, but they have a source- I have PTSD so that flares up. I also have DPDR which can also do it. I on top of that have dysthymia and a rather pessimistic personality. I am applying all these tags onto myself to say I am aware of my damage.
My partners however, have no source. They are meltdowns or solid 'states' they can't shake nor do they try. I hate to phrase it like this but she heavily comes across as victimizing herself or catastrophizing absolutely nothing. 'I can't control this' 'Nothing helps' 'Everything sucks' and one I have a large issue with- upon asking if I can help in anyway she responds with 'Kill me' as a joke or some other variant.
This is only a short window into my situation but a summary would be:
I am capable of functioning on a significantly more stable level, medicated or not, than my partner. I have all the problems they do either actively or prior and very much can deal with it on my own. I have had off and on therapy for over 15 years on top of a massive list of medication. I am trying to move forward.
They are not capable at all nor do they try to be. I have to do everything for them, I have to sacrifice my own mood or happiness for them. I have to baby them and do everything 'adult' related like phone calls or physically talking to people. They have tantrums, they collapse at the slightest altercation or negativity. Some days I feel like I'm dealing with an infant and they are mid-20's.
I have reached a point where I almost actively hate them, the family involved, and my living conditions. I wish no ill will on them or anything but- I am leagues beyond burnt out. Day to day I'm just a doormat because I don't really know how to draw lines, or be assertive, or push back. The times I've tried have gone negatively and I at this point believe no approach I try will work. 1/2
I feel like every single time I've ever brought up my disorder professionally or casually it's not ever registered to the severity it should be. I can spill out my normal definitions: having no lucidity, having no perception of time passing, unable to ever remember or perceive that I experienced something on any given day.
I say these things and I feel like the other party registers it like a foreign language, an alien concept, they can't even remotely get in my shoes. Even the ones who have in some capacity absolutely do not make any strides to help me or work around my problems.
I'm not saying this to victimize myself I'm just absolutely burnt out over it. I don't understand how to have an actual medical professional hear that I have DPDR and perk up with an immediate assurance of 'oh this is probably ruining them'- I don't expect medication to solve my problems but that spark of genuine empathy would go a long way.
I also don't understand telling those closest too me things like this, reach a semblance of mutual understanding between us, but they make conflicting requests or demands of me even mere days after. I'm overly eager to help others at times, but the total deadpan lack of understanding what I can and can't do has never actually been considered. Like it doesn't 'show up' prior to them making said request mentally, it comes across as I mean nothing to them.
I know damn well I can't be the only one who has had similar problems and if anything I imagine it's a fairly constant problem with others. I'm just looking for some sort of fleeting thread of connection with this disorder in somebody else.