u/Super-Preparation-36

I feel worse everyday. I feel really isolated from the world and feel like there is a wall in between. I feel really jealous and angry after interacting with a woman. I feel angry when I see women. I feel like It would have been better if I didn't have to interact with them at all. Also I am barely a person. I feel like I am half awake most of the time and regular day is like torture to me because I can never be normal like other people. I always feel the worse things about myself and interacting with women is like pouring lemon on the wound. Especially if they ignore me or make me feel unwanted. But if they constantly pamper me then it does not feel so bad then it feels tolerable. I feel helpless as i become a bigger and more manlier than ever. I see people naturally put me in the category of men. I accept it as the truth. I accept that I'm a man and that a woman something that I am not. And that I can never become one or move in that direction as it is impossible. Like how can I hope to be a bird in the future if I am a fish? It's both ridiculous and unrealistic. But still something is not right. I feel like i don't have a reason to live. And it all feel like i am burning in hell. I

Is this dysphoria? Or something else?

I read in a conservative media article somewhere that a man was successfully treated from AGP impulses with antipsychotics. I wonder how true that is. Does anyone know the truth behind this claim? Can it be a treatment option for AGPs or Gender Dysphoric folks? Ofcourse there should still be an option to transition clinically if they want to. But can antipsychotics be used as a treatment method?

Idk if it's because of heavy repping or the environment or simply I am a hater. But repping after talking to therapist about tranny thoughts and then going back to living a full male life in a poor indian family with dead father, i feel like i have become a raging misogynist. Earlier I used to identify as a feminist, aligned with women's liberation, had mostly female friends etc. But now i'm just a regular dude with more misogynist. Maybe because of my sister who vehemently tell me i'm a man all around the day so maybe I just found a way to cope by putting women down. I now think women are weak brainless humiliating members of society who desperately try to survive by relying on men. And I also despise femboys for being humiliating as well. I just can't help feeling superior to women and seeing them as less capable. Atleast this is what they want me to think right?

At first i thought i wanted to be a girl right? Then i thought okay i can be feminine as a boy. But why is it that every thing that is not conventionally manly gets treated like an unthinkable crime in this house? Sister says people should dress according to their bodies and how it suits their bodies. I wanted to wear a man's chinese design lose tee like the cpop or kpop guys wear- a little feminine. But still men clotges. Then sister said it won't suit me. Also the baggy unisex type men's clothes sister said won't suit me. The like kpop boy aesthetic. Mother said she has never seen any boy wear that. Ik Here boy means sons of the people she know. And they very much say the word boy on things that aren't even needed. I now understand why boys who are raised like me often become misogynist homophobic and sexist. Does it give me permit to be sexist too? Also I forgot how easy it is to intimidate women with just the sheer power of my manliness. And all that is natural and acceptable here! I was truly raised to be a misogynistic homophobic man and it's their fault.

Like imagine having trooner thoughts while being a stupid balding ( like temples are fully gone) hairy from head to toe, coarse skin all over fr , gigantic hands and feet in a poor Indian family with no father so older sister and mother constantly force you to be the man of the house and do the manly duties. No money for even diy hrt. It never had a chance to begin lol I am gonna die a repper with maybe a forced arranged marrige in the future. Like what can you even do now. Crooning out is impossible while being a softer version of a man is also out of the question.