u/Sure_Specific8660

I'm going to be 21 years old in a couple of months. I guess I could vote in every signe country haha.

I have exotropia since I'm 3. Or more specifically Stilling Duane Type 2 on the right eye. I can't look left. It hurts. It got revealed to me at the beginning of the year by my parents who already apparently did a diagnosis at that age but I was never told, or they claim they did, but I didn't know. I just thought it was normal exotropia.

I've been bullied ever since I was 6 until... Even now. At school they'd play "tag" but in that version I was the monster because of my eyes, and they'd throw little rocks at me, but naïve me didn't know about it and thought I was making friends. I've been the victims of so many jokes about my eyes, insults about how ugly I am. Each time I didn't see something clearly, I'd be made fun of. They called me "12AM - 2AM" at some point. Get it? Because my right eye is drifting on the right, like how 2AM does.

I'm a silly joyous guy naturally (even today) and I tend to be really expressive. I used to be called a r*tard everyday each time I'd do something silly or "out of touch" by my said "friends" and teachers -- even parents. So much of it lasted my whole childhood. Of course there was fun moments but they usually never lasted long.

Relationship-wise (friendship and romance) it's been pretty rough. It got better but it's rough. I can count the true friends I have on my fingers, because to be fair I don't think I don't have many. I have lots of contacts in my phone because I gained my reputation back by being a smart tech guy or because I do sing well. But those contacts will reach me out only in emergencies or when they need money, making things fake nowadays. And because of chronic depression and stress, and because I stayed at home for 3 years before moving in here, my already existing social anxiety got worse, way worse -- I hardly can find friends in Germany.

For romance, I have a curse. The "9 months curse". I've never had a relationship that lasted more than 9 months. And all -- I repeat, ALL the relationships I had were even existing out of pity -- the little guy out there doesn't have a partner, let's help him. Only to leave me after, even though I'm not cheating or anything.

My life currently sucks. So much. So so much. It's all jealousy and envy. I envy "normal" people so much. I went to 2 eye specialists this year only, I got the same answer "it's impossible to fix it". What do you mean, I'm going to be stuck in this body forever? What do you mean I'll be subconsciously rejected by new people? What do you mean I'm gonna get constantly bullied and judged? I have BPD and knowing this doesn't help at all.

I have so many questions. Why are people telling me I'm talented, nice, sympathetic and everything only to never approach me or something?? Why do people tell me I'm beautiful but I don't have a chance with romantic relationships, even with all those qualities they keep praising??? Stop lying I don't like liars I don't value liesw I'm none of that. Why do I feel alone all the time?? Why am.i crying??? I'm supposed to man up like my family and society in general always wanted.

Since I'm a kid I had this fantasy that never changed. A screwdriver inside of the right eye and boom problem solved. I'm too much of a coward to do it, though. But this idea has been in my mind forever. I don't want to do it.

I'm on medication for this chronic depression, even with the highest doses, it doesn't help, I'm still feeling like I don't want to be there anymore. I feel invisible. I feel unseen. Why am I born like this... Why am like this??? I don't know why... I wanna know why...

They always tell me "at least you can see, not like blind people", this makes me even more sad. So i'm out there complaining over a problem that isn't necessarily one when people are suffering even more? Now I'm feel even worse for even complaining. That's why I never like to talk about it. That's why all my selfies are in 3/4 view. Since they want me to live like it's not a problem, I'll hide it. Or get rid of it. I don't know at this point. I'm extremely exhausted. 14 years of bullying are catching up. I want it to be over. Help me please. I want to be confident. I want to look at people normally without assuming things. I need help.

That sucks because it's just a normal armoured dude. If at least he had way more health and more environmental uses, and even maybe a QTE at the end to kill him, that would've been a fire bossfight.

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It felt so underwhelming after I finished him, but I still did it so many times due to the other armoured dudes before finishing my ammo.

I feel like every 3 weeks, we get a surge of people either on here, or across social medias, basically saying that "GTA 4 is the goat, GTA 5 is garbage" over and over again and it feels like it is never going to end.

To be fair it feels like the arguments people bring most of the time don't come from them but instead from the said YouTubers making content about it - they don't even bring their own opinions or haven't spent time in both games. It might of course not be true, as many opinions can be similar, but there seems to be a pattern.

I played both GTA 4 and 5 for hours at different time periods, with 4 being the first. Yeah GTA 4 is dark and gritty (I said the thing), good physics, Trauma Bellic, and I agree some stuff have been toned down in GTA 5. But the story, gameplay, driving, map,... in both are awesome *IN THEIR OWN WAYS*. Trying to compare them feels dumb to me. One has flaws that the other hasn't, blah blah blah... Yeah I know. But is it really worth making a scene about it?

I feel like this discourse would've been still relevant if we were in 2017 or less for example. We're in 2026. GTA 6 is about to be released. Why not just focus on that instead of trying to tear down GTA 5 (or 4 in some cases) just because it has things your favorite game doesn't?

And also, why people are acting like those games can't coexist, and it's okay for someone to have preferences on what they like most? Not everything has to turn into a discord where seemingly nobody wants to accept those facts.

It's the same for older GTA games too, they're not excluded. Because I feel like some people would be like "Vice City is better anyways". For you maybe, yes. I like Vice City as well!

My point is GTA 4 and 5 can both coexist without any issues, and people partaking in this discourse are just wasting time or want some attention based on preferences bias, tearing each other down. We should stop doing this.