u/Survivor6725

Another death of a young actress has brought up some thoughts that cross my mind once in a while.

I am an only child and I have been managing my parents’ care for over a decade. I have continually had one parent or the other in either memory care, assisted living, or skilled nursing for 9.5 years. I have witnessed so many old people lingering in these places for years, living some sort of limbo life. At my dad’s memory care, there was this big tall woman who had been there for TEN years wandering the halls waiting for the next meal, vacant stare, no purpose. Really sort of like a zombie (mean of me to say that, I know).

In the last 10 years I have lost many of my middle aged friends (45-65) to cancer, heart attacks, etc. These were people living vibrant lives, still working and contributing to their families’ well being. People who had earned a future that was taken from them.

In my hometown, a 13 year old girl recently lost her life to cancer, and today I see a little boy even younger has just passed from cancer.

Sometimes the unfairness of it all is depressing. I have been immersed in elder care facilities for so long, it really drags me down. I hope that when my last parent eventually passes, I never have to set foot in one of these places. I have been on the inside of so many skilled nursing rehab facilities in my area, I have lost count.

What a drag it’s been, caring for my elderly parents. I see no end in sight and I’m starting to believe my last remaining parent will outlive myself and my husband.

I’m receiving daily phone calls that mom has fallen and been found on the floor. I’ve been responsible for her for 15 years. We’ve done hospitals, rehabs, alcohol rehabs, assisted living facilities, and memory care (briefly) since 2014. I managed her life for a while in her on house as well.

Tonight I was out with my husband celebrating my two year cancer-versary, two years since diagnosis but things are clear now. I get the call that mom is on the way to the hospital once again.

I’m worn out. I worked my arse off this week so that I could have a good weekend. Do I get to live my life????????

I’m wondering if anyone has a parent that has taken Benzos steadily for the long term. Benzos are: Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan, etc. Both of my parents started taking them in the 1980s. They each took them twice daily, every single day. This is how they were prescribed by the doctor in the 1980s, and apparently he told my dad there were no negative side effects.

Well, fast forward to about 2010 when my parents hit about 70, and both had evidence of cognitive decline. My mom started having weird falls and broken bones. My dad showed signs of dementia by about 74. Dad deteriorated and had to go to a memory care facility at age 77. Mom was on a walker by age 76, and went to assisted living at age 77.

Both had been lifelong athletes and had eaten healthier than most. Unfortunately they did like wine a little too much.

Dad died at 81 in a care home. Mom has now been in assisted living since the beginnings of Covid lockdown. She is very unsteady, frequent falls, many broken bones and head injuries. She’s close to immobile now.

If the daily Benzos stop, she goes into severe withdrawal within 36 hours. We’ve been through that a number of times over the past decade, especially when she was managing her own medications and often taking three pills per day and running out. They are a controlled substance and you can’t refill in under 30 days.

I’ve been responsible for managing my parents lives since I was 45 and I am now 60. They were wonderful parents, small business owners, highly educated, etc. Their retirement ended up being pretty crappy because of this odd deterioration, physically and cognitively, and of course dealing with it all has affected every aspect of my middle aged life.

Anyone else have experience with long term Benzo use or something similar?

My parents retired in a house down the street from mine in 2004. It was fun for the first few years, but by the time I was 45, their lives began requiring daily intervention by me (an only child). There were many complications but we can boil it down to alcohol and prescription drug abuse, which spiraled into marital problems, cognitive decline, falls, automobile mishaps, and a lack of ability to care for their house and yard. Dad went to memory care and died there in 2019. Mom has been in assisted living since 2019. I am now 60 and still dealing with her care on a daily basis (doctors appointments, managing insurance and finances, plus being her entertainment and connection to the outside world). I am now 60. Mom is only 84 and has longevity in her family of origin. I’m exhausted.