u/SwagtasticMan54

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about four years (4 in a month). We met at work and she was capable and really upbeat and fun. We pretty much fell in love at first sight. I asked her if she had plans after work the same day we met. I drove her home and it turned out she lived across the street from where I lived and we basically didn’t stop talking to each other for the next two years. It was about as gooey and dramatic and innocent as young love gets, pretty much couldn’t peel us off each other.
Fast forward a few months into the relationship and she got fired from job at the coffee shop, We were both working at. She had been catching rides with me and admittedly, I was pretty fucking tardy. I was the workhorse of that coffee shop so I could get away with pretty much anything but they fired her go being late. That was definitely in the start of the issues, It really fucked with her confidence and I absolutely take the blame for that. Her next job was at a shave ice shop, it only lasted two or three months until she had a run in with a creepy coworker. She said he had been chatting up the underage employees and when she reported it to her manager, they didn’t want to do anything about it and more or less she made enough of a fuss about it that she ended up losing her job there.
She worked a brief intermission at Jamba Juice. That only lasted about a week before she couldn’t handle the high school employees anymore.
At this point, I had started working at an Olive Garden and so I got her a job at the Olive Garden. I worked there for a little over a year. She lasted about six months, she said she felt overworked so she tried to find a part-time job and just go part-time at Olive Garden. They said it was a conflict of interest and cut her hours. So then she went full-time at the job she had left.

This is where it gets complicated, she has a definite, eating disorder and some sort of dissociative mental illness, I lean towards OCD, but obviously I’m not a doctor so I have no idea. The eating disorder had been getting out of hand progressively throughout this and she was beginning to isolate herself from social situations. It didn’t help that we had a major fight over her best friend who was a guy and who she had previously had a crush on and talked to in a manor that makes me somewhat uncomfortable, there was multiple instances of weird interactions between them, whether it be him walking her home, him taking her to a movie without telling his girlfriend, or his girlfriend, encouraging him to pick her up bridal style and throw her in the ocean while they were at the beach. I got the classic that’s my brother. I would never do anything like that. And I know I’m insecure, but that has gotta be a red flag. So we fought about it and I ended on the conclusion of I am not comfortable with you being around this guy, but it’s your friend and you have known him longer than me so you can hang out with him but just not alone just hang out with him in a group with your other friends. So needless to say that didn’t help the isolation.

So by this job post Olive Garden she had gotten really skinny and I try to get her to eat, but she is so incredibly picky that it’s really difficult. I’m a cook,I really really try to work with her on food and stuff, but it’s just so difficult to even get her to eat. And this job she was working at this point required she jump from location to location. It’s probably important to mention we were living in Hawaii and taking public transport. And eventually, she had just made herself so sick that she couldn’t work anymore and so she got fired after taking like a month off (even went to the emergency room at one point)

I would call this stage of my relationship, the mental health nightmare because at this point, she just went fucking stir crazy at home. We were living in a shared apartment with my dad and his girlfriend. She absolutely hates my dad, absolutely can’t stand him. Which I understand to an extent, he kind of a moron, but not like a judgy moron just like a 40-year-old man who’s stuck in high school kind of moron. But she couldn’t stand even hearing his voice, so she isolated herself in our room for almost a year. She would put headphones on anytime she could hear anyone talking. It was a fucking mess. Fast-forward through a couple more jobs same thing different situation. Too unhealthy to work. I tried to create resolutions and none of it gets followed. Now every time we even try to go to an interview or she does get hired and tries to go to work it results in her waking up six hours before her shift in a panic, throwing up, curling up in a ball and crying on the floor for hours. I try to be as supportive and understanding as possible but at this point, I’m starting to wonder if I’m not just enabling the behavior

And sort of a last ditch Hail Mary I actually moved back to Montana where I was offered a home by my mom, so now we live in a house on our own out in the country
it’s nice and quiet there’s no distractions there’s no noise there’s no overstimulation and it hasn’t gotten any better. It’s the same thing. Try to get a job freak out panic throw up. Send a 10 paragraph message to the manager in a fucking panic. I just got back from driving her into town to go to the emergency room, because she felt so sick. (She had to work today) we got there and apparently she didn’t realize that we had to pay for the emergency room so then she wanted to go home. So needless to say she didn’t get a doctors note and she lost her job again. And now I’m sitting in my car wondering what God‘s name I am supposed to do in this situation.

There’s a level of guilt I feel for bringing her out of her comfort zone in Hawaii and all the way over here just to be like hey I can’t handle this, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to make it better and I don’t know how to support two people on one income in this economy. Obviously I really really really love this girl or I wouldn’t have put up with all of this bullshit but at one point do I cut off my leg to save the rest of my body?