How do I (17F) break up a friendship with my bestfriend (17M)
How do I drop my friend?
Hello reddit i’ve never done this before so please bear with me. I (17)F have a best friend (17)M and we’ve been best friends since the 8th grade. My friend and I are close he’s the type of friend if I hear any drama he’s immediately notified. Obviously we’ve done more for each other and been there when we’re upset at family or relationship drama. Basically just normal friendship stuff. But im not gonna lie as much as I love and care for him throughout the years we’ve known each other i thought about dropping him multiple times. You see he’s done things that makes me upset or weirded out by his behavior because it’s not okay. For example I have a big sister who he HATES for mainly no reason. Don’t get me wrong my sister has done some messed up things but she’s family I would also like to add she has bipolar depression. Now his hate for her started when she randomly said that she thought he was ugly. Obviously I told him and since then he hates her. Don’t get me wrong it’s shitty to find out some random person you don’t know / haven’t even talked to before randomly talked bad about you. But that’s all she’s done to him. Everything I told him about her she’s done to my family or people close to her. Now I don’t know if he also hates her because of the things she’s done to my family including me or if he just makes that another reason to justify him hating her. Regardless if I mention anything new she’s done or not even just that I mention her name he immediately bad mouths her and calls her names. Wh*re, b*tch etc. But that’s not the end of it. My sister once came home hurt . Now it wasn’t bad but she was definitely bruised . My family and I don’t know the full story because she’s known to lie. But once I told my friend he immediately starts praising her bf and how he did a “good” job. I wanna say we don’t think her bf did anything to her so dont worry. Now my family and I are really close if my family knew I have a friend who bad mouths my sister I would look bad. This sounds horrible i know but I don’t know what to do. Hes my best friend and we’ve told each other so many things. I’m not confrontational at all I usually just bottle stuff down or just try to get over it. I’m not an angry person i’m the type to walk away and come back when i’m feeling more better. So i don’t know what to do. I talked about this situation with few of my other close friends. And they all agree i should drop him and should’ve done it ages ago. Now the reason i’m doing it now is because I recently had my last straw. I told my friend something I heard about this couple that broke up at my school. Not even 2 hours later my other friend who told me the information since she’s friends with the couple told me not to tell him anything anymore because he’s saying something that isn’t true about the people involved. So I immediately go find him on campus. When I did he told me “I only told one person” and I just said to “keep your f*cking mouth shut” and I walked off to my next class. Later I eventually realized I should talk to him about the things he’s done and I saved it for lunch.
I sat down and basically stated the stuff i tell him he shouldn’t tell anyone and I shouldn’t have to tell him to not say anything because it’s kind of obvious. I also brought up my sister and some other things he’s done like talk bad about people I know. The whole time he tried to justify himself by saying “they all talk bad about me and had his f*cking name in their mouth”. Don’t worry I shut him down and said they never do. But he wouldn’t drop it. He even tried to say that my sister “always talked bad about him”. Mind you my sister is in college she has better things to think about than a 17 year old boy. Anyways the whole time he was blabbering nonsense and even stated ” yea i basically tell everyone everything you say”. I was shocked. Now i’m not too sure how much he’s told but i’m nervous to think he’s told people my personal life. I just ended the conversation with saying he shouldn’t talk bad about the people I know because I care for them and his reflection of his actions also go onto me because i’m friends with him. At the end I made it clear not to mention anything I tell him anymore. After that he left to go sit with other friends for the remainder of the period. Now there was other things said but that pretty much summarized it . The whole time we kept going on back and forth and you can tell he was getting upset. He even jokingly said “oh i’m gonna swing on you” when I wouldn’t agree with him. Crazy I know.
After that argument we’ve been fine but I still want him to know I don’t wanna be friends anymore. How do i say this? My main concern is he would think i’m attacking him and “breaking our friendship for no good reason”. I also don’t want him to talk bad about me if I do stop being friends with him but I understand that may happen and come to terms with it. I don’t know if I should have another talk with him or send a long paragraph i just wanna be honest and not have to ghost him for him to get the hint.
Obviously school is about to end so it’s perfect timing and I wanna do it now. I know this is a lot and sounds incredibly stupid and I should’ve down it ages ago I guess I was just scared. Anything would be helpful and i’m sorry if there’s any confusion with the way i typed this i’m willing to share anything to help give clarification. Thank you