My wife thinks im choosing money over family because i want her sister to pay us back
My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been married for 4 years and have been aggressively saving to buy our first home. We both work full time, cut back on vacations, barely eat out, and have honestly been pretty disciplined financially.
A few months ago, my wife’s younger sister got engaged. She and her fiancé are the type of couple that spend money fast and always seem to be struggling afterward. My SIL came to us crying, saying they were short on wedding deposits and asked to borrow $5,000 “temporarily.” My wife immediately wanted to help because she’s very family-oriented.
I was hesitant, but after a lot of conversations, we agreed to lend them the money under the condition they’d pay us back within 3 months.
Fast forward to now: no repayment. Not even partial payments.
Instead, they upgraded their honeymoon, booked a luxury resort, and are constantly posting expensive dinners and shopping trips online. Last weekend at dinner, my SIL laughed and said maybe we should just consider the money our “wedding gift.”
I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.
I told them directly that we expected the money back because that money was part of our future house fund. Things got awkward immediately. My SIL started crying, her fiancé got defensive, and suddenly everyone was acting like I was some greedy villain.
The bigger issue now is my wife is upset with me too. She says I embarrassed her sister and created tension in the family. I told her I’m not upset about helping family — I’m upset because we were lied to and taken advantage of.
Now my wife says I care more about money than relationships, while I feel like nobody respects the sacrifices we made to save that money in the first place.
At this point I honestly don’t even know if we’ll ever get the money back, and now it’s causing fights in my own marriage.
Am I wrong for pushing the issue?