u/Swimming_Scholar21

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I'm an 18 year old girl who has had a lot of doubts about Islam since my preteen years. It all started with learning about Aisha and her age. In my household, I was told that she was 12 at the time of her marriage. To me, that felt very strange, unfair, and didn't sit right with me.

Then I started getting involved in feminism. I agreed with the movement and felt a spark of hope because I had always felt like I had no right to my own life or freedom, as I was born into a conservative household. But I was soon struck with guilt for feeling that way because my parents frowned upon the movement. They would say it's just "whores" who want the freedom to be shameless, and that Islam and the Hadith prohibit it.

After that, there were discussions about marital rape and how common it is. I sympathized with the women who went through that, but then I saw men using hadiths to justify it. That's when it really hit me. It felt like every problem, every injustice, and every time I felt inferior was because of the teachings of "Islam." I started drifting further and further away from my religion. I remember crying myself to sleep out of guilt because, deep down, I still loved Allah and felt that He wouldn't ask people to be like this. But I was confused and heartbroken, and I didn't know what to believe.

Fast forward to a few months ago, I was introduced to another group of Muslims, those who reject hadiths but still call themselves Muslims. They criticized Sunnis and other groups for what they saw as toxic and misogynistic teachings. I felt like I had finally found my people. It gave me hope that I wouldn't have to leave Allah in order to stand on what I believed was the right side.

But even now, I'm scared. What if the Sunnis are right, and being a Quranist means I can't truly be a Muslim? What if I'm on the wrong path? What if I'm betraying my religion?

And most of all, what will I do if my family finds out I'm no longer Sunni? They won't consider me a Muslim, that much I'm sure of. They'll be very angry and look down on me. So if I do become a Quranist, I'll try my best to keep it a secret from them. But that would mean continuing to pray the way Sunnis do. Will my prayers still be accepted if I don't change the way I pray?

I feel so lost right now.

I have been using hellotalk to keep in touch with my Arabic for..let's say 5 months or so. At first it was alright, the Arab girls were very nice and kind. Few Arab boys were clearly seeking relationship instead of actually learning anything but most of them too were also quite respectful. But oh boy, those Pakistani guys.. to say they are disgusting is an understatement. I became friends with a Pakistani girl on that app and turns out she was part of a Pakistani gang on that app. Mostly the boys in that gang were 18 or above even tho I was using minor side of the app(where only people below 18 can chat). The boys of that group literally threat girls of rape, Leak their pics and I even heard that one of them raped 3 girls after asking them to meet him. Thankfully I was able to maintain the lie of my age, name and even my city through out the months I had spent on that app before finally getting contacts of my friends on there and deleted my account. Why people don't report them? Or even call this behavior out? There were a boy in that group that literally acted so innocent and "morally right" because he was "Syed" and yet didn't shame those "friends" of his for their disgusting and filthy actions. Do these men not realize that not calling out this type of behavior makes you just as guilty as those defending it? And why does Pakistani men treat every online site as a brothel? I will advice every girl to stay away from Pakistanis on apps like that even girls, because most of the girls on there are pick mes that would do anything to get male validations, they would 100% share your vm, pics, info and messages with those men and even try to trap you into a horrible situation. Another thing, lie about everything and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING! You name, age, city, occupation etc. stay safe.