u/THESTRANGLAH

https://preview.redd.it/3v14k1qtd5kh1.png?width=1023&format=png&auto=webp&s=9fc66c97e1391178a0bd979f415845c88e10e582

with the recent escalations, and the fact that UK terror police are involved now I have a feeling Trump and Bibi are about to get what they want with the UK being dragged into the war.

I saw a thread on here recently complaining about the r/adhd_partners sub, and honestly, it makes me want to shake this community.

We really need a reality check on how people actually end up posting in that sub.

It’s not because they are evil or hate people with ADHD. It’s because they are exhausted. They are constantly having to pick up our slack and do the things we completely forget about. They end up having to keep track of the things we are meant to be doing, reminding us, and helping us plan. Acting as a personal assistant or parent to your SO is completely draining. People without ADHD get tired and they get burnt out too.

Here is a harsh truth: we have ADHD, but NONE of us would starve to fucking death if we didn't have a partner to pick up our slack. We managed to survive before we met them and we'd survive without them. Remember that the next time you're putting stuff off just because you know your partner will eventually get frustrated and do it for you.

Here is how the cycle usually goes: we drop the ball, we blame the ADHD instead of taking ownership, and we promise to change. Then time blindness kicks in. To us, that conversation feels like it happened a few days ago. To them, it’s been months of zero progress where they've just had to carry the entire mental load again, and the resentment builds up.

Being a good partner doesn't mean you magically have perfect executive functioning. It means you don't dismiss your partner's totally valid exhaustion and feelings as them just being "ableist."

If you want your relationship to actually survive, you need to check yourself:

• Are you using your diagnosis as a get-out-of-jail-free card to avoid accountability?
• Are you putting things off and ignoring chores because you know your partner will eventually cave and do it for you?
• Are you blaming them for not helping you plan or reminding you?
• Do you get angry at them for having the nerve to get angry at you over something you did/didn't do?
• Are you actually trying to implement systems, or are you just having the exact same argument on a loop until they give up?
• Do you dismiss your partners feelings as them not understanding how hard it is for you?

If this isn't you and you're actually putting the work in as a teammate, great. Ignore this. But that recent thread made me realise how many people here flat-out refuse to look inwards. Having ADHD sucks, but being with a partner who refuses to take ownership is a nightmare too.