u/TR3_Self38

I’ve always been a really anxious person, but I never realized it wasn’t normal to overthink everything constantly. Planning conversations in my head, skipping classes and important events because of social anxiety, not going to parties if my friend wasn’t going, even feeling anxious at family events if my sister wasn’t there.

I’ve always struggled with friendships and have borderline tendencies — never fully diagnosed, but my psychiatrist noticed patterns in my relationships over the years.

The weird thing is that I’m pretty, skinny, and come from money (not saying this to sound cocky, just for context), so nobody ever thought I was struggling. People assumed I was cold or arrogant, like “she just doesn’t feel like going.” But before 18 I was actually deeply insecure. Then I got “adopted” by a popular friend group because people knew who I was in my town, and suddenly I became “that girl.” I loved the validation and I think that’s where everything started.

Since then I’ve had very intense, chaotic relationships. I used to lie a lot because I wanted my friends to feel obsessed with me. It came from a huge fear of abandonment because people always ended up leaving me. So I tried making new friends feel like they needed me. That behavior cost me friendships, and the worst part is that I KNOW it’s wrong. I’m actually a good person and feel horrible about the way I act sometimes.

I’m introverted and insecure in relationships, but not in myself, if that makes sense. I love how I look and present myself to the world, but emotionally I’m either 100% or 0%. Too intense or completely detached.

Last year my mental health completely collapsed. I had what I call manic episodes with my boyfriend, cheated on him, lied to him for years because I was scared my very traditional family wouldn’t accept him. My best friend — literally my soulmate and the only person who always understood me — eventually left too. She said my chaotic life was affecting her mental health and our friendship had become all about me.

At the same time my boyfriend left after I confessed all the lies I’d told him. Meanwhile my family knew NOTHING about my mental health. I felt like my entire world was collapsing in silence.

I went to Bali alone for a month trying to heal and understand why I feel everything so deeply and why I sabotage myself every time life feels stable. The scariest part is that in the moment I NEVER realize I’m doing it.

Hey,

I’m kinda confused choosing my masters degree, I did not expect to be accepted in every master I applied ( lol ) .

And now I’m between two universities I ended up choosing Berlin to move to.

First option is:

HWR Berlin — M.Sc. International Business Management
HWR is a public university (Hochschule für Wirtschaft und Recht), which gives it solid institutional weight. The program is 90 ECTS, runs 15 months full-time, is taught entirely in English, and starts in September.
The curriculum is well-rounded: it covers International Business Strategy, Finance & Accounting, Operations Management, Marketing and Research Methodology, with a specialisation in either International Management or Digital Business Management & Leadership.
Being part of the Berlin Professional School adds to its credibility. The downside is that it feels quite traditional and strategy-heavy and more u know “ traditional university management degree which won’t help me with networking and “hands-on “ than I’d like.

BSP Business & Law School Berlin — M.Sc. Business Administration
BSP is a private institution and doesn’t carry the same name recognition as HWR, I won’t pretend otherwise. Tuition is €690/month , which is worth factoring in. But honestly, looking at the actual course content, this one appeals to me more.
There’s a dedicated module where you visit companies and compare their business models in person, digitalisation and AI run as cross-cutting themes across all modules, and the Entrepreneurship & Innovation module covers everything from financing to legal frameworks and customer management. There’s also a Future Skills Lab focused on negotiation, conflict resolution and networking, plus a business simulation where you run your own virtual company.
On top of that, there’s an option to pursue a double degree with SolBridge International School of Business (South Korea, AACSB-accredited), City University of Seattle, or ICMS in Sydney.

So I have deadlines to answer both of them. And I dont know what to do