I have finally accepted my boyfriend is an abuser
I (32f) have been with my boyfriend (53m) for less than a year. He has helped me start a business and is very encouraging of me being a “girl boss” as he owns his own business and loves the process but the support really ends there.
I know many people will think I’m an idiot for putting up with as much as I have and I think I am too. The first few things were stuff like him calling me a bitch and hanging up on me when we would have arguments on the phone and when I was having issues with my housing and landlord one day I was venting and he yelled at me until I cried because I am “too much drama”. Any time I have a serious issue I keep it from him because he will get angry with me and that will just make it worse And tell me that my life is a “joke“
He travels a lot for work and one trip I accompanied him on overlapped with Valentine’s Day. I said the waitress was pretty and he agreed but I asked him not to stare too long while he’s out with me because it’s not respectfu. He did so anyway and ended up yelling at me when I said something. I was outside smoking and crying while he paid the bill and he comes out and goes “don’t look so sad”…keep in mind, Valentine’s Day and any holiday is very important to me and he got me an oven mitt and I am not that type of person. On my birthday he got me cheap flowers (he can afford a lot better)and that was fine I was grateful but when I called him he said he was not thrilled to speak to me and it’s this behavior all the time.
What really did it is on another trip we took together he wakes me up out of my sleep bc we had a fight earlier and calls me a bitch. I had a very traumatic physically abusive childhood and he says to me “if I could hit anyone it would be you” and I started crying a lot obviously and he apologized and said that we need to go to therapy. when I bring up this instance he yells at me and says it’s my fault even though I was sleeping? There ate more instances but I’ll stop there
Now he’s on these supplements that are regulating his hormones and is in a much better mood usually but still just says “stop” or something when I bring it up. he said we can’t speak peacefully so he will only do this in therapy but I do speak pw. I’m quite soft spoken and gentle (his words) so I can’t really yell if I wanted to and I’ve never insulted him other than saying he’s cruel but it’s not enough to be kind to him. I feel like it’s enabled him. Once he told me he doesn’t care about my feelings, straight up! and that he doesn’t care if I cry.
i want to forgive him and he’s making more efforts to see me and be nice (somewhat) but I don’t think I can and i am starting to accept he’s abusive and I am scared to leave but more scared to stay. He want to get married but the abuse is so bad the airport check in folks asked me if I was safe and he got mad and said it’s my body languag well, I was smiling in line and he said why are you laughing and I said I’m not and looked down…what else was I supposed to d? he continued to yell at me in public multiple times after that incident and then gave me the silent treatmenT. I need strength to leave.
ty to whoever took the time to read this
sorry for typos!!