u/Tasty_University_172

Hi everyone. I want to say upfront that this post may be a little upsetting, but afaik, multiple mandated reporters passed their eyes over the situation -- and it seems to be that once someone is at end of life, neglect is socially acceptable. I guess I want to hear from other people to make sure I'm not tripping.

So, my grandpa died a couple years ago -- he was in his late 80s. I was a caregiver during part of the time he was already in Stage 5 Parkinson's. My role was primarily to help lift him with a gait belt so he could toilet, when that was still possible, and to bring him stuff at times my grandma didn't want to. I also stayed because I was a very strong advocate for engaging hospice services, which no one else was on board with other than my partner even though my grandpa was begging to die. The other people present were my grandma, who was also in her late 80s and the primary caregiver for most of it, my partner (for a few weeks), and finally, a paid caregiver who inexplicably had a nursing license but -- because hospice or palliative was not involved -- no ability to actually really do anything.

Basically, we arrived at a situation where my grandpa was housebound and then bedbound. He would have fits where he yelled "help me!" over and over. When one of us would go to help him and ask what he needed, he would apologize or say he didn't know. I'm not sure if this was delirium or something else because no one capable of diagnostics had been present for it -- over a period of months, I actually only remember a single doctor's appointment, which was telehealth and really downplayed my grandpa's condition. Is that normal? It eventually escalated to the point that my grandma decided to close the door and leave him screaming "help me!" with no medication to calm him (other than the occasional quetiapine prescribed by the telehealth doctor). By the time hospice was involved, he needed to be transferred to a facility and he only survived 3 or 4 days. I know my grandma was also forcing him to eat, and I was fully left out of decision making.

My grandpa put off getting any professional help for a couple months, claiming that in her 80s, she could provide all the care he needed. She actually kicked me and my partner out because she couldn't stand "having people in her house" and ended up giving herself a widowmaker heart attack. By the time she got a paid caregiver (again, who did very little because he was fully bedbound by this point), he needed hospice's services for months and my grandma had not engaged because she "couldn't handle thinking about it" (whatever that even means, not really sure what the end result of thinking about it would be).

Now my grandma is dying from lung cancer and has shut me out, I think primarily because she knows I would confront her about what she did and didn't do with my grandpa. If I can get an audience with her, I think it is actually worth confronting her about this situation. I realized that EVERYONE in my family has constantly been telling her how brave and strong she was for handling the situation herself, but from my perspective, it was mishandled to the point I should've personally reported it to APS if I wasn't made to feel like I was insane for finding it neglectful.

Is it normal to delay hospice care until someone with stage 5 Parkinson's has 5 days left? Is it normal to leave them yelling for help and to not inquire about medications that may be sedating or calming beyond an antipsychotic prescribed by a doctor who didn't even see him in person? I feel like he probably should've had lorazepam way sooner, a professional caregiver should've been brought in way sooner if my family wasn't going to utilize my help, and like everyone is gladhanding my grandma who very seriously wronged a man she was married to for over 50 years.

It genuinely is my assessment that our culture gives a free pass to neglect if someone is at end of life and can't/won't complain. Certainly in those last weeks, my grandpa had no access to a phone and I don't think would have been able to use it if he did. I'm not even sure of his competence to ask for what he needed or for more help)to be put in a facility other than in very brief moments of lucidity that were treated like they were worth keeping him suffering 99% of the time to experience.

So... am I crazy? What do you make of this situation? Should I bring it up to my grandma? I think she should actually know that she didn't get away with it, not really. But I can be somewhat vindictive so I want to be sure this isn't incredibly heinous to do.

Thank you and sorry for the length!

For this offer, you can select between 3 short (3-card) tarot-ish readings or 3 5 song playlists tailored to your comment.

**WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TAROT-ISH**

I mean that I will be using a divination deck that I've assembled using tarot cards, Oracle cards, various types of playing and trading cards, etc. Some of the cards are kind of goofy (like, things from Yu-Gi-Oh! and phoneme cards), but they generally give me a decent read. I can draw additional cards from an actual tarot deck for clarification if it's not clear enough.

If you want this option, comment "TAROT-ISH: ('general') or (topic of your choosing) + (a color) + an emoji"

**HOW WILL YOU CONSTRUCT MY PLAYLIST**

If you want a playlist, comment "PLAYLIST: (5 random nouns or adjectives for me to derive a vibe from) + an emoji"

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5 notecards will be going out total. Please be flaired! And thank you for reading \~

The other day, I wrote out modified lyrics to the song "Folded Space: Lead Poisoning & Distortion" by combatwoundedveteran on a piece of paper and decorated it to harass one of my friends. Now I want to write as much of it as I can really small on the back of a postcard for one lucky recipient. Wowee! Could it be you? The song represents a time I was traumatized at work lol!

Please be flaired and comment a color and an emoji to claim

I will also send a 3 card tarot reading to another person, signal if you're ok with that with a second cool emoji. Maybe I'll write the lyrics too, I don't know.

Let's cope together!!! My other two offers are completed and either mailed already/going to the post office along with this one tomorrow morning.

Hi everyone! I am offering five Tarot-ish readings in Elena Essex notecards.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TAROT-ISH?

I mean that I will be using a divination deck that I've assembled using tarot cards, Oracle cards, various types of playing and trading cards, etc. Some of the cards are kind of goofy (like, things from Yu-Gi-Oh! and phoneme cards), but they generally give me a decent read. I can draw additional cards from an actual tarot deck for clarification if it's not clear enough.

Readings will be 5 cards ish, more or less. Please comment an emoji of something cool and whether you'd like a general reading or topic (you can tell me the topic when you send me your address -- relationship, work, a specific situation, etc -- as much info as you do or don't want).

You can also specify if you have a preference between: mushroom, cactus, and moth, though your card preference is not guaranteed.

5 notecards will be going out total. Please be flaired! And thank you for reading ~

Offering 5 cards domestically! Card will contain either an original haiku on a topic of your choosing or a one card tarot pull.

To claim, please be flaired. Comment a number between 1 and 100, if you'd like a haiku (and the subject) or if you'd like a tarot pull (and a general topic to read you on if desired, otherwise it will be general). Also include a color in your comment.

Thank you!

Hi everyone. I've been reading this community on and off for about a year, and just now decided to finally post -- so this serves as my intro and an IRL story. I'm posting mainly because I am on the older side (late 30s) and I hope that my experiences and insight can help others.

I first met C online (on Facebook, actually) in 2008. We were both college age then. He lived halfway across the country, but we hit it off immediately. Neither of us were looking for a relationship, but before long, we ended up in an LDR and booked tickets for him to come visit me over Christmas break.

The first visit was magical, and he proposed to me, which was cute but wasn't something I took too seriously at the time because the circumstances made getting married impossible. We continued to visit each other, but life and our respective mental health problems got in the way, and we ended up having kind of a nasty breakup.

After a period of a few years where we were no contact, and had both gone on to live with other S/O's, I randomly decided to get in touch with C and apologize for how things ended. I always felt like he was my other half, and when I learned about the twin flame concept, I was surprised there was a name for what I already felt. No one had ever compared to him and everyone had felt like settling since. He accepted my apology and we became friends.

Shortly thereafter, both of our relationships ended (lol) and I suggested he move to my city because he needed somewhere to go and I had a spare room. That was eleven years ago now.

Things were very hard for a long time and it was actually, in fact, really weird to actually be with the person we both obsessed over online. You never know what someone is like day to day, their body language, their mannerisms, their facial expressions, etc. it's just impossible, even with visits. So a lot of time was spent trying to get reality congruent with what we saw in each other on the Internet. We are both pretty difficult people.

But as of last month, we are engaged. I took him to a swamp near my childhood home and knew I wanted to propose there, but not how. Luckily, I am a crazy person and carry a very extensive medic/survival kit in my bag at most times, and I happened to be carrying it that day when we stumbled upon a disemboweled Canada goose. Among the carnage was a fully intact wing. Seeing this, I decided I needed to taxidermy it. And because I was on my knees while I was bagging and packing it, and because it also reminded me of the love quest in Harvest Moon 64 (lol), I held up the wrapped wing to him like a bouquet and proposed. He said yes! So that was super exciting. And over a decade after he asked to marry me without any plan whatsoever lol.

The timing of the proposal was based on life circumstances not relevant to this post, but it's been a long time coming and people in our real life already treat us as if we were married (in some states, we would be common law by now -- not ours). I'm going to marry him in 2028 or 2029. I'm so excited!

I am willing to answer any questions and I'm happy to talk to anyone, especially other older obsessive weirdos. I'll probably stick around and give advice as well.

Sorry for the essay! Hope it at least gives some of you hope. That special person might actually be worth it even if everyone thinks you're crazy. And you might actually be crazy, but if that person is really that special, they probably are too. So I guess there's that.

That's all for now. I'll use the name Angel in this community. Sorry for the awful auto generated reddit username.