AITK for continuing to date my boyfriend despite his mother wanting us to break up?
I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend, “A” (26M), and I genuinely love him. My siblings and friends all adore him, and he’s honestly an amazing, supportive and respectful person.
The problem is his family, particularly his mother.
His family dynamic is extremely complicated. His parents are technically divorced but still together. His father apparently had a contract marriage with an American woman for citizenship, and at one point the children were divided between the parents. There has also been a lot of physical fighting within the family—his sister has hit him and their mother, and apparently even his elderly grandparents have been left to fend for themselves. There isn’t much closeness on either his maternal or paternal side.
My boyfriend is 26 but still has extremely strict rules at home. He isn’t really allowed to go places freely and has an early curfew around 8 PM.
A few months ago, his mother and I actually got along well. When I first met her, she was very friendly with me and even suggested we have tequila shots together. She also gave me a bag as a gift, which I used once.
Over time, however, her attitude toward me completely changed.
One day, she started shouting at me about how, because of me, her son couldn’t focus on his work. She said he has to work and questioned how he could work properly when I was around. She basically blamed me for distracting him and for the choices he was making.
Recently, my boyfriend and I snuck out at night. His mother caught him and, while doing so, went through his Snapchat messages with me. She then screenshotted a message where I had said something along the lines of, “Your mother wants us to break up.”
She apparently wanted to complain about me to an adult in my family and actually contacted them.
At that point, I decided I would rather clear the air than let everything be based on assumptions, so I went to speak to her with my siblings.
The conversation went horribly.
She accused me of influencing him and essentially blamed me for everything. She brought up various crimes and dangers that could happen and acted as though I was putting him at risk. She also said she had never seen me sober, which is simply not true—I barely drink.
She repeatedly compared me to her daughter, saying that her daughter doesn’t do the things I do. Meanwhile, from what my boyfriend has told me, his daughter has also secretly gone out at night when their parents were abroad, despite supposedly having the same restrictions.
My boyfriend defended me throughout the conversation. He repeatedly told his mother that I don’t force him to do anything, that these are his own choices, and that he is an adult making decisions for himself.
Eventually, I realized the conversation was going nowhere. I didn’t yell or insult her. I just said, “Okay, bye. Thank you,” and left.
My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive throughout all of this. He tells me that he knows I don’t control him, that he’ll make his own decisions, and that he wants to make me feel safe. We’ve talked about marriage eventually, and he says that if we do get married, he wants us to live separately from his family.
But I can’t shake the feeling that his mother genuinely wants us to break up.
And now there’s the bag she gave me when we were on good terms. I barely used it once, and after everything that’s happened, I honestly don’t even want to look at it. Part of me wants to return it, but I feel like doing that would just create another huge argument, so I’m probably going to put it away and leave it alone.
I genuinely love this man and don’t want to break up with him because of his family. At the same time, I’m worried that I’m underestimating how difficult this family situation could become if we eventually get married.
TL;DR: I’m 24F dating 26M. His mother initially liked me but now blames me for his choices, secretly read our private Snapchat messages, contacted someone in my family to complain about me, and shouted at me that I’m preventing her son from focusing on work. I went to speak to her with my siblings to clear the air, but the conversation became hostile, so I left rather than argue. My boyfriend strongly defends me and says he’ll set boundaries and live separately from his family if we marry. AITA for staying in the relationship, and should I return a bag his mother gave me before all this happened?