r/AmItheKameena

Hello I am 24F, and my ex-bf 23M is currently doing his PhD in STEM in the US (Direct from bachelor's to PhD). He is currently back in India for a few months for a research collaboration, thankfully in the same city as me. For context, my best friend and her boyfriend do not like my boyfriend, and my boyfriend is also not a fan of them either? (we all did our undergrad in same uni). However, everyone is usually civil and polite around each other.

A few days ago, the four of us went out for dinner. Things were going amazing. We were all talking and joking around. My friend’s boyfriend started teasing my boyfriend, calling him “Scientist saab” and saying things like, “India kyun aana pada?” Basically, joking that maybe he had been deported out of the US.

My boyfriend was laughing and playing along, so I didn’t think anything of it. Then my friend’s boyfriend also started to roast him a bit. Basically, my boyfriend’s grandfather has been an MLA multiple times, although he lost them last 2 elections. So he joked, “US se bhi kick out kar diya kya, jaise dadaji ko elections se kar diya?” That’s when my boyfriend seemed to get angry over this little thing. He tried changing the subject (the only mature thing he did that evening), but they continued teasing him, because my boyfriend changed the topic by saying how my friend’s boyfriend, used to sleep all day, bunk classes, etc "Dhaake kha kha ke pass hua".

Then my friend and her boyfriend started joking about my boyfriend being a Rajasthani Rajput. They said things like, “Rajput ho, bachpan mein shaadi ho gayi hogi?” and then joked about whether I am his “side chick.” My friend’s boyfriend then said something along the lines of, “So PhD bas delayed employment hi hai na?” That’s when my boyfriend said, “I still make more than what your dad does.” After that, everything completely spiralled. They started insulting each other, but my boyfriend’s insults became particularly nasty. He started going after their insecurities, called my friend’s boyfriend short, said things like “Teri aukat kya hai mere saamne,” “Padhai mein bhi kuch nahi hai,” “Gawar saale,” and other things that I don’t even want to repeat.

My friend and I literally had to stop him from getting physical with her boyfriend. He eventually left in anger. I was super embarrassed at the restaurant as well, a full-blown scene infront of others. I was furious and told him that he had embarrassed me. Later, I called him and asked him to apologize to my friend and her boyfriend. Instead, he got even angrier and called me "R@nd" and told me to “go get warm in bed with them.” Then he basically said we were done. At that point, Idecided I didn’t want to continue the relationship either and accepted the breakup. I vented to my brother and he said I am wrong, & said he will not validate my wrongdoings. But I don’t think that justified the way he responded, especially threatening to fight him, attacking his insecurities, and then calling me a R@nd when I asked him to apologize. My bestriend is on my side.

Me and my girlfriend have each other's passwords and we have both explicitly given each other consent to read each other's chats. This is something we have mutually agreed to and neither of us considers the other's account private from them.

The thing is, sometimes I am studying or working and I don't want to constantly check my messages and get distracted. She might send me a few texts while I am busy.

Since I have access to her account, I can open her chat with me from her account and read what she has sent me. The advantage is that it does not show as seen from my account, so she doesn't know that I have already read it.

I mainly do this so I can judge the urgency of what she has said. If it is something important or she needs me immediately, I will stop what I am doing and reply. If it is something casual that can wait, I can continue studying and reply when I have finished what I am doing.

The important part is that I am not accessing her account behind her back. She has explicitly consented to me reading her chats, and I have given her the exact same permission with my account. Also, I am only talking about messages that she has sent directly to me, not secretly reading conversations she is having with other people.

She doesn't necessarily know every time I have read one of her messages from her account, because from her perspective the message still appears unread on my account.

So AITK for doing this? Is it reasonable because we have mutual consent and I am basically using it to manage my attention and decide how urgently I need to respond, or is it still weird because I am intentionally making sure she doesn't know I have already seen her message?

I need to write this down because every time I look back at the sheer audacity of this guy, my blood boils.

​I’ve known Aditya since 2018 or 2019. Back then, I was dating someone else, so Aditya and I had strict boundaries. Just formal, casual classmates. Zero chemistry, zero weirdness. Then 2020 happened, I broke up with my ex, and Aditya and I fell out of touch completely.

​Then came 2021. The absolute worst year of my life.

​Early that year, I lost my father. My entire world shattered overnight. I was drowning in grief, depressed, and honestly just trying to survive my own head. My only escape was burying my nose in fiction, physical novels, and trashy Wattpad romance tropes. I was young, vulnerable, and completely wrapped up in this delusion of wanting a fictional boy to swoop in and save me.

​Around February or March, offline classes resumed and Aditya was back. Except he was weirdly hostile—mean, sarcastic, constantly taking subtle digs at me. So I matched his energy. I was rude back. I felt literally nothing for him, and I thought the feeling was mutual.

​Until this one college event.

​I wore a saree that day. He barely glanced at me in public, didn't say a word. But the second I stepped into my house that night, my phone lit up with a text from him:

​“Have you reached safely?”

​I stared at the screen. In all the years I’d known him, he had never texted me something like that. I dryly replied, “Yes.”

​Then he hits me with: “You could’ve asked me to drop you… it was late.”

​Suddenly, the sarcastic jerk disappeared. In front of our batch, he was still the cool, nonchalant guy, but my DMs were a whole different story. He was constantly texting, constantly checking in. Then came the text: “Can we be best friends? I’ll call you bestie.”

​And stupid, grieving me said yes.

​From there, it snowballed. Casual texting became an everyday habit, then late-night calls, then random FaceTime sessions. Slowly, the act spilled into real life too. He was memorizing my likes and dislikes. One day I was having a terrible mood swing, completely quiet, and he leaned in and softly asked, “Are you on your periods?”

​I swear my brain short-circuited. I was so emotionally starved that it hit me straight in the chest. I literally thought, holy shit, he’s a Wattpad character come to life.

​It became an unspoken, unofficial relationship. I couldn't sleep without our late-night calls. It was so intense that one day, I tested the waters and dropped hints about making it official. A real commitment.

​He straight-up refused. Just like that. 🙂

​He made it crystal clear he didn't want a relationship, yet he expected all the emotional benefits of being my boyfriend. And the final nail in the coffin? I started noticing he was running the exact same soft-boy, attentive routine on other girls in our class. The illusion shattered instantly. I completely pulled back.

​A few months later, I met someone else—my current boyfriend. The second I started talking to him, my late-night chats with Aditya naturally died. When my boyfriend eventually confessed his feelings, I said yes.

​Here’s the plot twist: Aditya and my boyfriend went to the exact same school and were in the same section growing up.

​The moment Aditya found out, he lost his mind. Suddenly my boyfriend was "a terrible guy" and "not right for me." He tried planting seeds in my head constantly. But the craziest incident happened in class: Aditya sat next to me, and I excused myself to use the washroom, leaving my phone on the desk.

​My boyfriend happened to call right then.

​Aditya actually picked up my phone, said into the mic, “Yeah, she’s with me at my place,” and hung up.

​I was furious. It took me a while to calm my boyfriend down and untangle that absolute mess of a lie. After that, I was completely done with Aditya.

​Fast forward to 2024.

​Out of nowhere, Aditya calls me. Out of the blue, he starts confessing his undying feelings for me—knowing damn well I had been in a committed relationship for years. And then, he dropped this gem of a sentence:

​“I’ll accept you even if you’ve had sex with him.”

​I was disgusted. The entitlement, the fake-savior complex—it made my skin crawl. I gave him a very firm, cold NO and hung up.

​A few hours later, I opened Instagram. Aditya had posted a Close Friends story kissing a girl (who literally used to be my school classmate) with the caption: “Happy one month anniversary my love.”

​My jaw dropped. I immediately texted a couple of mutual friends who were supposed to be on his close friends list to ask what was going on. They said, “What story? Nothing is showing up for us.”

​This unhinged man literally made a custom Close Friends list with just ME in it, just to post his anniversary photo hours after begging me to take him back because his ego was bruised. You cannot make this stuff up.

​In 2025, we had a reunion. I spent the whole night dodging him. Around 11 PM, when everyone was leaving, he cornered me and insisted on dropping me home. I told him no, I’d take a cab, but he wouldn't let it go. He was practically begging, still throwing around the word "bestie" like nothing had happened. I called my boyfriend to keep him in the loop so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings, and reluctantly got in the car.

​The entire drive was nauseating. He wasn’t acting like a man with a girlfriend at all. He kept showering me with compliments, telling me how pretty I looked with my hair open.

​I snapped: “You have a girlfriend, Aditya. Behave yourself.”

​He immediately retreated into his phony gentleman persona. His stop was a full 3 kilometers before mine, but he insisted on driving all the way to my building gate, gave me this smug little smile, and drove off.

​A few months ago, he had the nerve to invite me to his birthday party. I just hit him with a dry “Not feeling well, can’t make it” and left it at that.

​what the actual fuck he wanted? He still sometimes text me and I keep the the replies as dry as possible😭😭😭.

So for the purpose of this post, I'm going to give a little context first. I have a twin sister. Let us call her R.

R and I have two best friends, G and S. We have known G since school, and we got to know S through college. We're all very close. So now to the issue.

G is a makeup artist and a content creator, but she herself has told me, that she doesn't do bridal makeup that much because she's mostly involved with the content creation work, so she finds herself really busy doing that. So as a result, she does not have that much experience doing bridal make up, and the experience that she does have comes mostly from putting makeup on Muslim brides.

S and her parents aren’t totally aware of the bridal/ wedding scene as they only returned from the US in 2015. S is getting married next year, she will be a Hindu bride. There was a meetup that happened where R, G and S talking about S's wedding, and S asked G if she would be available to do makeup for her for her wedding. G happily agreed, and everyone was happy with the situation.

During a sleepover at S’s house, I was sitting and I was talking with her parents, and they were asking me questions about my brother's wedding, which happened about 2 years ago, and they were asking me questions about where we bought our clothes and all that. In a passing comment, S told me that my sister-in-law's makeup was really good on that day and that she looked like a goddess. So I told her that I can give you the details of the makeup artist, because in my opinion as well, she did a great job and was very affordable as well, and I knew that this was a very important point for S, that she wanted to make everything in her wedding very cost-effective and affordable. And she said “Yes! , send it to me on Instagram and I'll look through the MUA’s profile” . So I sent it and she, her mom, and I were looking through the makeup artist's account, and we found this girl to be very experienced in doing Hindu Brahmin brides as well. And also in that same vein, I told her that when you're looking for a makeup artist, maybe it is better if you call a couple of makeup artists first, go through their work, and ask for quotes from a couple of makeup artists from our city, so that you can decide which is more cost-effective and which is better for you in terms of the look that you're going for. She did say she did not even think of that and thanked me for telling her all this. I did not harbor any bad intentions towards G when I said this. G does good makeup but I thought it’s important to look through options as well. If she decided to go with F after a research, I would absolutely have no qualms about that and I’d be happy as well. I just told her that since she is not really familiar with the makeup artist scene, she can probably go and ask for a couple of opinions before settling on a makeup artist. Her mom and her both agreed with me. In fact S told me that if G doesn’t end up doing her wedding make up, she’ll definitely have her do the sangeet makeup.

When I came home and told R about this, she got really mad and she said that I betrayed G as a best friend, and that I was very nosy and I got in to this conversation unnecessarily, and that I should not have suggested that S ask for another makeup artist and should have just gone with G instead, and that I should not have interfered or involved in this matter. We had a big fight because of this.

I genuinely did not harbour any ill intention . AITK?

A date and I was supposed to catch a dance performance. plans after that were not discussed. I assumed we’d have dinner or something at a place closeby, which had plenty of popular options,

I arrived on time for the show and went into the auditorium to find a good seat for both of us.
Unfortunately my date got late for the show .They were not let into the auditorium due to their no late comer policy.
My date was quite upset about not being allowed to enter.So they texted me and we agreed to meet after the performance at a nearby place called Toit
But they couldn’t find a table at Toit which upset them even more.
But instead of maybe finding a place nearby to chill at, my date decided to go to a place half an hour away without asking if I’d like to come there.

And travelling all the way there seemed like too much of a hassle that I had not prepared for.

Honestly I was just mad that they had decided to leave the area and expected me to just join them wherever they were without giving me a choice. It felt like they were expecting me to do whatever they wanted coz they got the short end of the stick for the evening and I was supposed to just come and make them feel better.
I told them I couldn’t come that far and that they hadn’t given me a choice about this. They got even more upset. We argued about it and then they never spoke to me again.
AITK in this situation?

I'm 27F (turned 27 recently) while she's 33F.

I met a guy through her (33M) whom I liked (we all used to hangout in a group which were her friends). Their entire group was pretty weird, and most of them were older than me by at least 4-5 years. Firstly, she never behaved like a wing-woman (not that she had to, but tbh in my opinion if you know 2 of your friends are having something going on, you'll be at least a little positive and try to encourage it, especially if you're close), secondly when it didnt work out, I was heart-broken for quite some time, because it was my first love. But she minimizes it. Almost like, it's not that big of a deal... forget him. When she knows it's a big deal to me.

She also regularly discourages me from stuff like dating (it's not for the pure souls according to her. Everyone who uses the dating app is an r-word according to her (male and female both). I understand that she thinks a lot of people are into casual, but shouldn't we respect their choice too? They're consenting adults. And it's one thing to express concern, another to discourage someone entirely. I know many couples in long-term or married who met on apps. It depends on how you use it imo). According to her, arranged marriage is the correct way out especially for innocent girls like me. We should accept whoever our parents bring. One note here: she is herself single (by choice), but she says "I regret not doing arranged marriage in early 20s and dont want you to make same mistake".

She has also recommended me to not move to Europe (she knows it's a dream goal of mine), marry & have at least 1 kid before 30, asking me "who was that guy" whenever I do go on a date (that's annoying tbh, it's my personal life, plus, I never ask her these same questions).

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Am I just overthinking & painting normal friendly behavior as negative? I have other friends, same age & with age gap, some as young as 21-22, others older like 30, but they never behave this way. They're far more open-minded. Not once did my other friends let my spirit down when I shared something with them (about dating a guy, trying to get admitted to a foreign uni - they are all so encouraging and excited. My friend 30F literally encouraged me to re-start dating after having taken a break for several months, which ended up in me finding my current long-term boyfriend - so it's also nothing to do with age.)

I'm an open person usually... but she always behaves negatively "dont date around - most of them are f-boys" (I'm being careful.. I'm 27 ffs), plus I dont think anyone should comment if someone should move abroad or go back to university

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Am I being a judgey bad friend and overthinking this..? This is my oldest friend, and may be, I'm being insensitive, and not understanding her well enough. But I never ask her these questions, or discourage her from anything, either. I met her couple days ago and feeling so down thinking about how she reacted to some of the things I shared with her. I'm feeling so distant towards her, and I already filter out things (like my current bf) before speaking to her. Am I the a-hole?

I am a 3rd year college student. I met a chess coach at a chess tournament and he asked me to take classes on holidays or weekends I agreed for that. Now he is also telling me to sort the report cards for each individual student and upload it to drive and also take classes and he also paid me 200 rupees for it in advance without asking me if I would do it. Now I am feeling guilty for not doing that work as he paid me in advance. I did grade 3-5th using chatgpt and it took me more than half an hour. Initially I thought I would only teach chess now I am doing his other works also which I did not sign up for. Am I the assholes for not doing his work?