AITK for being a bad daughter?
I (18F) just recently got my a-level grades. Here is some prefacing: Previously, I had gotten mostly 9s and a few 8s at GCSE, which is like an exam done in sophomore year at all A+, and i had also gotten all As at as-level, which is an exam at junior year and the highest grade you can get. In the uk, most people normally take 3 a-levels, but I had taken 4 and an EPQ. In the uk, there are also these things called degree apprenticeships, where you basically apply for a job and the company pays for your university, and you apply in your senior year. They have specific visa requirements which is why I asked my parents like 10 times if I qualified for it; spoiler alert >!I didn't!<
Prefacing aside, now i have always struggled with waking up on time. Whenever I had school i was okay, because of my internal clock and what not, but i never could get a good nights rest whenever i had school. This is why i would usually wake up later, around 9-11 am on the weekends. This pissed my parents off to no end because i have a little brother 10 years younger than me who wakes up at 7 am on the dot every day. I did too at that age, but its been so much harder when i began going to highschool. My parents have came into my room and woken me up at these times but i just couldn't stay awake unless i had school. This was the main reason why we argued, because they told me that the reason i wake up for school but not them is because I dont respect them.
Anyway, i have gotten good grades pretty much my entire life. Ive always felt that they put up with me because my grades were good and that they didnt send me to boarding school to India, where we're from, or anything because it would ruin my grades. Ive always felt like my grades were the main reason they could even stand me as their kid. Anyhow, in the uk, i would be considered an international student. This means that uni costs like 3 times as much as a british citizen. This is the main reason why my parents encouraged me to apply for the degree apprenticeships. So i applied for like 50 companies and managed to land 3 offers. These are notoriously competitive, even more competitive than getting into cambridge or oxford. I spent so much time doing this, just perfecting my applications or practicing my interviews that i didnt have as much time to study. In the end, about a month before my alevels i ended up losing all of my offers. I was devastated, because now i had wasted my time doing that instead of studying and i had alevels which would decide my university, my only option, next month. So i put everything into that month, but when the alevels arrived i couldn't handle it. I had a conditional offer at a very prestigious university, not cambridge or oxford and i needed A+,A+,A in my alevels to get in. I ended up getting AAB, but I managed to get into my university.
My parents made me promise to them that no one apart from me and them should know my real grades and i had agreed, because they seemed so ashamed of them. Now, my mum has been blaming me about my grades and when my dad jokingly said that I had only brains but not logic, she immeadiately snapped and said that I dont have brains either. Ive been feeling really antsy about the whole thing so I just ran up to my room and locked myself in. She kept calling after me but i kept the door shut and didnt respond. I started crying, just letting the years worth of built up stress just pour out. After my cry, I went down to do the dishes when she was on the phone with my uncle, her brother, and loudly complained to him that she does all of the housework, that i do nothing but leave a mess in the kitchen and that im lazy. I just had gotten so mad in the moment that i loudly yelled that I was going to tell everyone about my grades. She had put her phone down before, so i thought she had cut the call, but she hadnt. She lied to her side of the family that i had gotten A+A+A so she was mad at me when i said that. She started slapping me on my face twice, so i had held her arms down so she wouldnt do that. Then she told me to let go of her arms so she could beat me with a wooden spoon, she has done this before. I let her go, but blocked her way to the spoons. She started wailing loudly , then my dad came downstairs. He started yelling at me for waking up late and said that i didnt respect him or my mom or my brother because i couldnt wake up when they woke me up. They told me that i only cared for myself, which is why I only woke up early for school. I kept trying to reason with them, showing them that i kept trying to sleep early, had alarms to wake up early but they said that i was just making excuses. They said i was blackmailing them by saying i want to tell everyone about my grades. They said I was ruining my perfect little brother with my habits. Im just so tired. I just took everything they said, and kept reminding myself that at least I get to leave to uni in about a month.
Was I the asshole for not feeling guilty with myself or for not listening to them?
Edit: now i want to add some more information: i have never gone to the same school for more than 2 years. Because of my dads job, i had to constantly move between india and around the uk for my entire childhood, starting at nursery. each time i moved, i would struggle for friends and keeping up with the school work. by the first year i would have gotten the hang of it and by the second, when i actually had improved, i had to move. my parents have a huge history of constantly not letting me have my achievements. In year 6, I had gotten into this grammar school that was so difficult that no one else in my school had gotten in there since 10 years, without tuition, unlike the rest of my friends. immediatley after, we needed to go back to india and i missed that chance. At gcse i had gotten 7 9s and 3 8s, the second highest at my school, and i couldn't go to a better sixth form because they cant afford the train tickets, even though my dad makes 110k annually.