u/United-Cantaloupe901

Hi I 23F have started meeting men via AM, I am born and brought up in Mumbai, went to a good school and later did my Masters from a good university in USA. However my family is from Rajkot and they have been showing me boys from Rajkot itself. I am open to meeting everyone that they show me as I believe after I meet them then only I might be able to get a better idea.

The problem is, I am now very comfortable in talking in English when it comes to communicating my thoughts, emotions and even any opinions. At home I do speak Gujarati but that is basically with my parents or grandparents on smaller topics like ‘what to make today for lunch’ or saying ‘I am going out’ nothing that needs a lot of thinking I would say?

Whenever any guy comes to see me, i automatically shift languages as I tend to start speaking English but realise need to talk in Gujarati as they are not very comfortable in that language? I do not do it in purpose but out of habit as all my cousins, friends my age talk in English only.

I feel like I do want a partner who is able speak and understand English as fluently as me hoping there would be no communication problems?

AITK? Am I asking for too much?

Hi I 23F - just shifted to Surat 5 months ago. It’s currently raining a lot, I had a plan to go for lunch/dinner with my sister or to an exhibition which was happening for clothes. Both got cancelled.

I am born and brought up in a very happening city and there has never been a day after I turned 18 when I was bored and didn’t have anything to do or go out. Currently facing a lot of anxiety just by being home.

What do you girls do at home? From 2pm to 6pm when everyone seems to be sleeping. Any hobbies? Any activities for girls like me? Please suggest!

Hi I 23F have just shifted from another city to Surat. I want to buy ethnic clothes, I went to a few shops but the designs are not something I would wear. I have been looking for simple and trendy designs, like shop mul mul which look heavy but are effortlessly chic!

Also the shopkeepers understand that I don’t know Gujarati much so they tend to show me designs which I absolutely hate and say that they are bestsellers and last pieces, is that normal?

Where can I find good, trending kurti’s and ethnic clothes that we see on Instagram and Pinterest. My budget is 2,000 to 15,000/-

Does anyone go to the ‘palo’ to walk? Why is not spoken much about the walkway area in Katargam, honestly one of the most beautiful places to go for a morning or evening walk.

Has anyone gone there recently for a walk? Please share pictures of sunset and sunrise for other people to get motivated and go there.

Hi I 23F just shifted from Delhi to Surat for a job. A little about myself, I like to go bowling, eat good food, sit by the beach and go for walks.

I have shifted to Katargam area for a job, wanted to know what are the places around to have fun and enjoy!

Hi I 23F have been drinking coffee for the past 7 years, before that I was a chai drinker. I come from a Gujarati family where kids are made to have milk with a little bit of tea in it as breakfast and some bhakri or khakra.

This breakfast has been the only thing I have, morning cup or coffee with 1 khakra. I really want to change my beverage, or make some healthy alternative as I don’t feel well in my stomach anymore. In the morning I wake up with anxiety and gas issues. My head also hurts if I don’t drink coffee.

Anyone who has been through this and can help me find an alternative? I tried dark chocolate oats but making it my everyday breakfast is too hard.

Hi I 23F comes from a really wealthy family, 3rd generation family business vibe. My family has been pressuring me since I was 20 to get married and settle down. (After reading about the recent billionaire son death chase)

I however wanted to do something as my family made sure I get the best education and I didn’t want to waste that. I started a job at 21 and still working, but now that I’m 23 my family has asked me to leave my job and they merely allowed me to work as timepass.

I am finding it so hard for me to fit into my family. None of us have the same opinions, ever. I was born and brought up in Mumbai and now they want me to settle down in Gujarat, where they are.

I did try to standup for myself but they said that I could not stay longer anymore, people would question my virtue. Which they actually have been, from that last time I visited Gujarat and all the aunties were more interested in my weight than my career.

I dont know what to do, I feel like every girl now is pressured to say yes to marriage even when they stand up for themselves they are blatantly ignored without any support.

Hi 23F i definitely need each and every advice I can get here.

I am shifting from Mumbai (my mother & I live separately due to my mother’s mental health & other IL issues). My grandparents live in Gujarat, and looking for boys in AM setup for me. It’s super common there to get engaged and marred by 25 and my grandparents want the same for me as all my cousins are now engaged. They are just trying out to look out for me. My mother is however happy to shift to Gujarat as the fights have been resolved. She’s at peace now after 25 years.

But, I have lived in Mumbai all my life, my family keeps assuring me that the man also if I want can be from Mumbai, Gujarat can be a temporary one.

I grandparents somehow are very orthodox, what I wear, what I do, how I shop, what I eat. A lot of times it’s their care but I think it’s a lot of control. Which I was not very used to in Mumbai, as it was just me & my mother living. Now I have to hear everyone’s opinions on what dress to wear when a guy comes to see me.

All these little thoughts have gotten to me, I do have history of anxiety and overthinking. Since the past 2 days I have just been anxious with fast heart beats and vomiting after every meal, and just not feeling well.

I’m not sure what I can do now to make myself feel better. Please be kind & do help with genuine advices.

Hi 23F i definitely need each and every advice I can get here.

I am shifting from Mumbai (my mother & I live separately due to my mother’s mental health & other IL issues). My grandparents live in Gujarat, and looking for boys in AM setup for me. It’s super common there to get engaged and marred by 25 and my grandparents want the same for me as all my cousins are now engaged. They are just trying out to look out for me. My mother is however happy to shift to Gujarat as the fights have been resolved. She’s at peace now after 25 years.

But, I have lived in Mumbai all my life, my family keeps assuring me that the man also if I want can be from Mumbai, Gujarat can be a temporary one.

I grandparents somehow are very orthodox, what I wear, what I do, how I shop, what I eat. A lot of times it’s their care but I think it’s a lot of control. Which I was not very used to in Mumbai, as it was just me & my mother living. Now I have to hear everyone’s opinions on what dress to wear when a guy comes to see me.

All these little thoughts have gotten to me, I do have history of anxiety and overthinking. Since the past 2 days I have just been anxious with fast heart beats and vomiting after every meal, and just not feeling well.

I’m not sure what I can do now to make myself feel better. Please be kind & do help with genuine advices.

Hi I 23F, I’ll try to keep it as simple but it is a little complicated than it looks. Both my parents have disabilities, one has a mental disorder and one has speaking/hearing problem.

My grandparents were a big part of raising me, they’d take us to amusement parks, parties and places where my parents ideally wouldn’t be able to take us. Now my grandparents come from a very orthodox thinking, they want me to get engaged to someone ASAP. As they think it’s ther obligation to get me married considering my parental situation. I however have told them I will find a man for myself they don’t have to worry, but then they tell me about how they’ll be able to choose a better man better family and stuff, to which I did show disagreement but at the end their 80 and I’m 23 I know their mindset won’t change so I don’t even try.

My parents have no opinion, they simply don’t standup for their children, and keep quiet when spoken to, they have socially distanced themselves from everyone and have no friends.

I’m stuck in between all this, I’m not able to understand where my life is going, all I can think of is getting out of this family. My emotions and overthinking has highly peaked, I randomly get anxious during the day when I think about it.

If anyone has been through such things, please let me know what has helped you in coping and being happy.

Hi I 23F have been working since 17 years old as I always was scared that if I stayed at home my family will get me married and I would be too naive not knowing how the actual world would be. My family is very orthodox and no women in my family works except me.

I recently visited my cousins as there was a death in my family and stayed with them for 15 days. I couldn’t help but notice the difference between my work life and at my cousins at home lifestyle.

They would take a nap everyday from 3pm to 5pm after finishing all morning/evening errands. At 5pm they’d start preparing for either dinner or do some other extra curricular activities like going on a walk or getting a new kurti stitched or something!

I work 9-5 so I usually don’t have a habit of sleeping in the evening so for a few days I was just laying in bed thinking how this is how a day would be if I didn’t have a job? But after a week, I took one nap somehow and when I woke up, damn it felt so so good! Hahahah.

It’s just so insane that I could have the same lifestyle but I’m choosing to work and be independent but at the same time I envy my cousins lifestyle as well?

Not able to understand this situation at all after this realisation if I should just quit 9-5 and start something very small of my own and do this instead?

Hi I 23F faced bullying, sexual abuse, and a difficult home environment. My parents’ strained marriage and my mother’s period of depression left me feeling unsupported during some of the biggest moments of my life like representing Maharashtra in a sport. Over time my brother emotionally withdrew completely, and despite my efforts to bring us together through simple things like movie, temple visit or shopping mall, no one seemed interested.

I also noticed that instead of encouragement, I was often met with criticism. Whether it was a new job, a purchase I was excited about, or personal achievements, the response was usually negative or dismissive. Eventually, I accepted that they were not contributing positively to my growth or happiness.

For the past few weeks, I’ve chosen to focus on myself. I wake up, go to work, come home, and keep to myself, limiting communication with my mother and brother.

I love being around people and family. I have tried so hard to do the things they like, ask them about how their day was but never received the same. I feel like I’m missing a part of having the love of actual family.

AITK for deciding to live my life quietly without involving them anymore?

Hi I 23F have a younger brother 2, he has recently shifted to another city for work and he’s come to Mumbai to visit me and my mother & his friends. Monday to Friday I have a job however I tried to come early so I can spend time with him, but whenever I come home it’s him playing games on his phone. I did try to take him out but he refused and wanted to stay home and watch movie, which I was then okay with.

The same night his friend called him at night and asked him to go out with him, he happily agreed and went.

Then comes the weekend, I told him I wanted to spend time with him but he sad he’s already made plans with his friends and won’t be coming home until like 6-7pm & just couldn’t come out with me.

I feel like I have gone to him soo may times with new plans or something to spend time with but he’s always saying no to me, but yes to his friends for it. Today I asked him, let’s spend time if you have some time for me.. he said Saturday Sunday is the only time his friends don’t have work so he’s going to be with them. What about me? Even I work Monday to Friday?

Don’t know if this is normal younger brother behaviour or just distance myself and stop reaching out as it’s affecting me mentally now

Edit - he is 21M

I am a 23-year-old woman, and my brother is 21. I basically have the older daughter syndrome and him younger sibling syndrome. However, because I am a daughter and my family believes I will eventually get married and leave, my achievements were rarely appreciated or acknowledged.

My brother has a learning disability, which has led my mother to be extremely protective of him and consistently take his side. Whenever I try to encourage him to focus on his studies, career, or future, my mother immediately shuts me down and treats my advice as unnecessary interference.

Whenever I try to talk to him, he responds rudely or acts as though he does not want to interact with me at all. I genuinely want to build a better sibling bond by doing simple things together such as watching movies, going to the beach, or just spending time together, but he usually refuses, ignores me, or avoids responding altogether. In many situations, my mother also steps in and says that I am “bothering” him.

I admit that I have struggled with anger issues, especially because I often feel unheard and unappreciated within my own family. It feels like my opinions and efforts never matter, while my mother and brother always support each other against me. Despite this, my intentions have always been to help my brother and guide him using my own experiences.

I started working at the age of 18 and have tried to become independent and responsible. My brother, on the other hand, is still uncertain about what he wants to do in life. Because of this, I often try to share advice and opportunities with him, but he behaves as though he already knows everything and dismisses my perspective completely.

I dont know what to do and how to fix this now?

We met in university in Milan, became close friends, and eventually started dating. Later, we moved back to me in Mumbai and him in Hyderabad, we managed long distance quite well, although we could only meet a couple of times because my family is very conservative and travelling to see him always felt difficult and stressful for me.

Things changed when he moved to the US for further studies while I stayed back because my family wasn’t comfortable sending me abroad again. Initially, the long distance was manageable, but over time, as he started building a new life there and meeting new people, our communication reduced and began feeling emotionally distant which we both understood and wanted to give it sometime as he had just reached there. I would still get frustrated over small things because I no longer felt connected to his daily life.

At the same time, my family started pressuring me to begin the arranged marriage process, unaware that I was already in a relationship. Although we both saw a future together, the distance, caste differences that my family cared about, and my fear of standing up to my family made me increasingly anxious. When I brought up marriage, he said we were still too young and that he wanted to marry around 27, which now feels like a very practical response.

Ever since the breakup, I keep blaming the circumstances the distance, marriage pressure, caste issues from my family side, and my own fears for losing what felt like a genuinely good relationship. He never reached out after we ended things, and it all slowly turned into heartbreak and confusion for me.

What I miss the most is how safe and happy I felt around him. I still get flashbacks of those moments and often feel scared that I may never experience that kind of love and comfort again.

I dont know how to move on. Please let me know if this is normal or any kind of suggestion helps.

TLDR: I’m still struggling to move on from a relationship that ended 2 years ago. Distance, marriage pressure, caste differences family disapproval, and bad timing slowly ruined what once felt like a very loving and safe relationship. I keep blaming the circumstances, and I still fear I may never find that kind of connection again.

Hi I (23F) have asked my mother to see a diabetes doctor many times. My mother (50) has gone through a lot and has had a lot of medicines like antidepressants as she had depression and schizophrenia as well for 1-2 years. She now hates being on long terms prescribed medicines.

However she now has diabetes and whenever I tell her that she should go see a doctor for the medicine, she comes up with excuses like diabetes is just a made up thing, nothing actually happens if you’re in control of what you eat. She’s not in control of what she eats, sleeps and 0 exercise. That’s why it is bothering me a lot that what will I do if something happens to her because she’s not ready to take prescribed medicines or even do the monthly check ups.

Let me know if any of you had to convince their parents to take medicines before anything serious happens, and how did y’all manage it!