Am I getting more cynical in my experience, or has it always been this bad?
30M, Currently a Secondary School Maths Teacher. Originally Primary trained so my allotment ranges between 7-10 with the odd foundation VCE classes here and there.
9th year and counting. Most of my career has been spent in primary schools, leading a variety of teams, mostly in senior school (5/6), both in Victoria and Internationally.
I’ve had a lot of fun in my job, a lot of awesome and unforgettable times accompanied by some of the worst days of my life - like I’m sure we all have. However, I’ve always been able to take the good with the bad. I knew teaching was a tough gig getting into it, it’s all I had wanted to do since I was 8 years old. My mum worked with kids in schools, and I always had a knack for presenting information in a variety of entertaining ways.
Hell, there was a solid run of time where I genuinely got excited for Monday morning. Finding myself looking forward to seeing my class and continuing our journey together. That was always my measure of being in the right job. I’ve never cared about pay, I’ve never cared much for the rat race; I’ve just always wanted to make sure that kids could leave my classroom with their day somewhat improved, even just a little bit. Helping kids see the positive impact of learning about the world, even the smallest piece of information. And don’t get me wrong, I genuinely believe I achieved that countless times. But, still…
I find myself withering. I feel an exhaustion that use to only lurk in the background, but now it takes control of my entire nervous system in ways it has never before. I feel like more then ever, everything around me; the people, the policies, and the system, are a constant reminder that we are nothing more than baby sitters. Education isn’t a priority anymore, it’s simply an after thought - a side effect of needing to put children somewhere so the adults of the world can stimulate the economy.
This message is communicated constantly. The way schools deal with behavioural students. The class sizes. The teacher to students ratios. The pointless documentation that is archived and never revisited. The record keeping of every and any incident. The 55 parent teacher interviews I have in one day. The fact that thinking about how I can better support my students in maths is always pushed by the wayside. The fact that I can have Year 9 students who can’t recite their 4 times tables in the same class as those doing quadratics. The fact that my colleagues in English can’t get through a page of their current novel with a class, because attention spans have gone out the window.
If society, (and let’s be real, the government) wanted education and schooling to be a place for true learning to occur, it wouldn’t look the way it does right now.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m maturing, or if I was in some special, 9 year long honeymoon period with this career. But I’ve gone from looking forward to Monday, to scheduling in sick days.
Maybe every career has its hamartia, but I just don’t know if I can keep doing this. I’m at the age that I’m looking to start a family, and I can’t even begin to imagine where I’ll find the time or energy to give something that precious the attention it deserves.
A small part of me is hoping someone else is out there, who has gone through a similar rough patch with this job, and they can tell me it’s just a phase. But I’m not liking my chances…