I love my girlfriend, but I don't think I can keep dealing with how she handles disagreements
Me 19m gf 18f
My mom is a content creator, and she's also extremely hardworking at home.
Today she woke up around 7 AM. She cleaned the rooms, washed dishes, made breakfast, cleaned up after our pets, and fed them. We have a cat, a dog and a duck, so there is quite a bit to deal with.
She also made sure everyone had a good breakfast and told us that lunch would be late because she had to film.
After that she immediately started doing her makeup and filming her content. Filming isn't something that takes 20 minutes and magically finishes. She was occupied with it until around 5 PM.
After finishing, she started making lunch.
I wasn't angry at her at all. I understood why lunch was late.
LORE:
I called my girlfriend and casually told her that I was a little hungry because I hadn't eaten lunch yet. I tell her basically every little detail about my day, so it wasn't even a complaint about my mom. I was just telling my girlfriend what was happening.
At some point I asked her, "If you were in my situation, how would you behave?"
She said she would be angry.
I told her something along the lines of, "Then look at me. I'm not angry. Try to be more understanding."
I meant it as advice. I wasn't trying to insult her.
She responded with something like, "I won't learn. Do you want to make me hungry all day?"
That confused me because I wasn't trying to make her hungry, and neither was my mom.
Then she started talking about my mom.
She said my mom was intentionally not giving me food.
I got angry at that point, but instead of immediately attacking her, I explained everything my mom had done since 7 AM.
I explained that my mom had cleaned the house, taken care of the animals, made breakfast, made sure everyone ate properly, spent hours filming, and was now making lunch.
I explained that lunch being late wasn't because she didn't care about us or wanted us to stay hungry. She was simply busy, and I understood that.
But my girlfriend still didn't seem willing to understand.
She said things along the lines of "she does everything" and "who wants to do it will do their work."
I asked her whether she would personally do all of that.
My point wasn't that women are supposed to do household chores or that my mom is obligated to do everything.
My point was that my mom isn't doing all these things because she's forced to or because she doesn't have anything better to do.
She does them because she cares about us.
She's sacrificed a lot for me and my brother, and I know how much she does for our family.
So hearing my girlfriend imply that my mom was deliberately keeping me hungry and then dismissing everything my mom had done really hurt me.
She also compared that if she goes to work, that will be nessecity, but my mom making videos is not necessity so she should do the house chores which is necessity according to her.
I told her to stop talking disrespectfully about other people, especially my mom.
Instead of stopping and listening, she got angry again and told me to fuck off.
At that point I blocked her everywhere.
And honestly, this isn't just about today's incident.
I've been seeing the same pattern for around 7 months.
She gets defensive.
She doesn't listen when she's angry.
She takes advice as an attack on her intelligence.
She becomes extremely upset whenever she feels like she's losing an argument.
She sometimes abuses me during disagreements.
She promises she'll change, but the same behavior keeps happening.
And the biggest problem for me is that if she isn't willing to listen, how am I supposed to communicate with her?
I can't force someone to understand what I'm saying.
I can't spend the next several years explaining the same basic things over and over again.
I love her. That's the part making this difficult.
I'm not sitting here thinking she's some horrible person and that I never cared about her. I genuinely love her and have had a lot of good moments with her.
But I also don't want to marry or continue relationship with someone hoping that they'll eventually become a different person.
I've spent about 7 months asking her to change these behaviors. At some point, promises aren't enough. I need to see actual change.
I'm also starting to wonder whether our dynamic itself is unhealthy. I frequently feel like I'm trying to teach her how to communicate or tell her how she should behave, while she feels like I'm acting superior to her.
Maybe I'm approaching things badly sometimes. I'm willing to admit that.
But I also don't think it's unreasonable to expect your partner to listen, communicate without abusing you, and not disrespect your family during an argument.
So now I'm stuck between two things:
I love this girl.
But I genuinely cannot tolerate this behavior for the rest of my life.
I don't want to stay in a relationship where I'm constantly hoping the person I love will eventually change.
Please i want a genuine advise🙏🏻
i want to take a decision
(Used ai for better chronology)