Diagnosed with Schizoid PD at 42 — struggling to understand my reaction to my grandmother’s death
I was diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder a week ago, at 42 years old. Since then, I’ve been looking back at a lot of my past behavior and many things are starting to make sense. But there’s one thing I’m really struggling to understand.
When my grandmother was dying, I wasn’t able to go see her in the hospital, even though I knew she only had a few days left. I also didn’t go to her funeral. It’s not that I didn’t love her — I loved her very much. I feel bad about it, not only because of her, but also because I wasn’t there for my mother during such a difficult time. Still, I chose to stay home alone.
What confuses me is that I can feel a lot of empathy when I watch sad videos or movies about people I don’t even know. I get emotional and sometimes cry. But when it came to something real and close, like my grandmother dying, I completely shut down and couldn’t bring myself to be there.
Is this normal with schizoid personality disorder? How can I feel empathy for strangers in stories, but not be able to show up for my own family when they needed me the most?