I’m so scared
I was married for ten years he cheated left me with a five week old child five years ago. Since then I haven’t had space time or energy to look at another person let alone date someone new. I decided I had had my chance and I would be alone and focus on being the best mum I can be.
Then last week I get a new job in there I am introduced to a colleague and do the passing hello. Days later he is sending me welcome messages on the work portal and a couple of days later is asking for my number and texting almost everyday.
I had forgotten how nice it felt to feel like me again and to have silly banter and a bit of flirting. I know he knows about my son but it’s been two weeks and we haven’t spoken about it in detail because honestly I’m scared.
I think I’m maybe 4-5 years older than him (think he is 35/36 and I’m 41) I have a son and I think how could he truly be interested in this. He notices I pull back and deflect with humour when things start getting intense. He makes me feel so special, seen, understood and calm. He does what he says he will is honest and upfront and I’m terrified to let him see me and especially to let him too close to all of me.
I just feel totally broken. Why on earth would someone as great as him want to be with someone like me. He could get the younger girl and probably have a chance for a family of his own and a simple life. I just feel I’m setting myself up for failure because he couldn’t possibly want to take a chance on me. But every time I get a text from him I feel it deep inside me and I just wish he’d never been let anywhere near the very thick wall I’d built around myself.