TIFU by eating Great Northern Beans
This was actually two days ago, but I've been trying to get more fiber in my diet recently. Usually, I eat oatmeal, flax seeds, berries, etc., but I decided to go nuts and try mixing beans and an avocado for ULTRA HEALTH PURPOSES.
But damn. Damn damn damn. That was a mistake.
I have never farted this much in my life. And it's hard not to mention the great reeking smell that emerges from my behind every 30 minutes. I have to leave the room with a trail of constant crop dusting in my wake.
I've always heard beans make you toot, but never in my years did I think it would be THIS bad. I only had about half a can, but the return on that investment is a world of misery. Please someone buy me a gas mask.
All I want is my bowels back. I wish I could unring the bean bell.
TL;DR - ate beans, farted eternally