u/TemporaryPudding6804

Anyone else grow up with autistic older relatives but not be autistic themselves?

**I feel like there are so many discussions about parents having an autistic child, but I rarely see people talk about the opposite: being a non-autistic child who grows up with older family members who are autistic.**

I have older family members who are autistic, while I am not, and honestly, it has been a really complicated and sometimes heartbreaking experience. They really scared the hell out off me as a kid.

I often felt like I couldn't really go to them for advice or support. I couldn't really ask them things or rely on them to help me when I needed it. People always asumed i did something they found it odd that they would not help me with anything; Sometimes they could be aggressive, and there were also situations where they shared personal information about me with complete strangers or said really inappropriate things about me to people they barely knew. Again i got wierd looks from People or they where laughing behind my back.

At the same time, I know that they are autistic and that some of these things may be related to difficulties they have with social situations, boundaries, communication, or understanding how their behaviour affects other people. I'm not trying to blame them for being autistic.

But I also feel like my experience as the non-autistic family member is rarely talked about. You can understand why someone behaves a certain way and still be hurt by it. Sometimes I feel like I never really got the kind of older family relationship that other people seem to have.

**Has anyone else experienced this?**

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who **aren't autistic** themselves but grew up with autistic parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, or other older relatives. Its a scary experience beceause social workers where baffeld by it and i was taken away durning the week. I could barley express my emotions or i would get hit by them, it resultad in my pushing in my emotions. I have taken distance from them.

Did you also find it difficult to ask them for help, trust them with personal things, or form a close relationship with them?

People always say, “Watch out for the quiet and nice person—they probably know how to fight.” And honestly, there is some truth to that. If someone remains unusually calm during a confrontation, there is often a reason for it.

I trained in martial arts for a couple of years, and during that time I met all kinds of people. One thing I noticed is that martial arts can also attract people with huge egos and people who are genuine bullies. I experienced this myself. Some of them tried to intimidate me, and yes, sometimes we ended up fighting. But even after that, some of them remained exactly the same assholes they were before. Fighting clearly didn’t change their character.

I’ve also met men who were genuinely misogynistic and would deliberately teep me in the chest when the technique is normally aimed at the abdomen. It’s honestly scary to realize that some people train martial arts not just to defend themselves, but because they actually want to hurt others more than necessary.

There is some truth to the idea that people who constantly act arrogant and tough often can’t fight at all. But unfortunately, there are also martial artists who behave that way. The difference is that they usually don’t need to constantly brag about how tough they are or talk like a 13-year-old about how they’re going to beat someone up. They have the skills to actually cause damage, which makes that kind of personality much more concerning. They do brag but they do it much different way they will get in you're face and talk shit etc.

The world isn’t as simple as “the good guys learn martial arts and the bad guys don’t.” Martial arts can be learned by good people, but also by people with violent, narcissistic, or toxic personalities. And honestly, that can be a scary thing to think about.

Conor McGregor is a good example of how someone can become extremely skilled while still having a very controversial and aggressive personality. Mike Tyson is an even more complicated example, considering his history and the things he has done outside the ring.

Martial arts don’t automatically make someone a better person. They give you skills. What you choose to do with those skills—and what kind of person you are when you have them—is a completely different thing.

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Ik ben de afgelopen jaren meerdere keren bij interimkantoren in België geweest, maar eerlijk gezegd begin ik er behoorlijk moedeloos van te worden.

Ze bellen me soms elke ochtend op wanneer ik werk zoek. Op den duur ben ik zelfs gestopt met opnemen, omdat ik het gevoel krijg dat het toch nergens toe leidt.

Het frustrerende is vooral dat ze je tijdens een gesprek soms heel enthousiast maken: “Je profiel past perfect bij deze vacature”, “We gaan je voorstellen aan de werkgever”, enzovoort. Ze zeggen dan ook effectief dat ze mijn profiel/cv gaan doorsturen naar het bedrijf. Maar daarna hoor ik vaak helemaal niets meer. Geen gesprek, geen feedback, soms zelfs geen duidelijke afwijzing.

Ik heb in al die jaren misschien maar 2 à 3 keer effectief via een interimkantoor gewerkt. De andere keren ben ik vaak maanden of zelfs jaren afgewezen.

Wat ik ook opmerk: ik zie hier soms posts van mensen die vertellen dat ze een paar maanden via een interimkantoor werken en daarna opnieuw een andere opdracht krijgen. Bij mij gebeurt dat bijna nooit. Meestal blijft het bij telefoontjes, gesprekken, “je past goed bij het profiel”, ze stellen me voor aan de werkgever en daarna hoor ik niets meer.

Daarom vraag ik me soms af hoe die telefoontjes precies werken. Bellen interimkantoren je echt omdat ze op dat moment een concrete vacature hebben waarvoor ze jou willen voorstellen, of bellen ze soms ook gewoon om kandidaten in hun bestand te hebben voor mogelijke vacatures?

En als ze zeggen dat ze mij effectief voorstellen aan een werkgever, maar ik daarna niets meer hoor: komt mijn cv dan daadwerkelijk bij die werkgever terecht? Of kan het ook zijn dat het bedrijf uiteindelijk niet verdergaat met de vacature of iemand anders kiest zonder dat het interimkantoor daar veel over communiceert?

Ik wil absoluut niemand beschuldigen. Ik probeer gewoon te begrijpen hoe dit systeem werkt, omdat ik na zoveel afwijzingen soms begin te twijfelen aan mezelf.

Ik vraag me daarom ook af: zal ik nog blijven proberen via interimkantoren, of kan ik beter vooral rechtstreeks bij werkgevers solliciteren?

Zijn er hier mensen die jarenlang dezelfde ervaring hebben gehad? Of mensen die juist heel goede ervaringen hebben met interim en er regelmatig opdrachten via krijgen?

Benieuwd naar jullie ervaringen.