my teenage existential crisis
this is very horribly written, i’m currently in the middle of crying so pls give me some pardon. im a colored 16F in high school. i’ve been thinking about my future lately and i genuinely think with the way the world is i’m not going i think im just gonna kill myself. my mom wants to move when i graduate hs and she says i have no choice in staying or going. i want to stay very desperately and i claimed to her that the decision is mine to make when i’m coming of age and she disregards everything i said. i am also into girls (i don’t like labels), i genuinely think she would disown me if she knew i did because she says she didn’t raise her children to be like that. but not only her, many people hate gay people so even if i overcome the fact that my mom will hate me so will society so what’s the point? and even worse i’m also colored and female, so not only will I have the agenda to be stereotyped and unconsidered for positions when i’m only because of my color, even if i do get the positions i have a high possibility of being paid less than a man for my gender. am i having a internal crisis? thinking about all this stuff makes me want to kill myself, but i’m too scared too. i have less than 2 years left before all the problems i just mentioned become very prominent in my life. i don’t think when im 18 i’m gonna be prepared for the mental anguish and i’ll just end up taking the easy way out.