r/Existential_crisis

I am terrified because I will either be annihilated or I will get to see the other side. I am currently a catholic christian since I was brought up like this, i keep going to mass, in the desperate hope that there is a God up there that will answer. I always ask myself: "is it God answering my prayers or am I just guessing that He does?". Don't convince me of stopping hoping because if we are just random arrangements of matter then nothing truly matters and meaning and morality are just social agreements in the Thomas Hobbes way, so doing anything would just be utterly meaningless at the end. I will never know whether there is a God up there who loves us but I will live knowing that, if there is nothing after this life, I won't be debunked.

If we are just a cosmic accident and everything that can't be seen in the material world is just a social convention then nothing truly matters. Morality doesn't matter, love or hate don't matter, good or bad don't really exist.

What gives me hope is my grandpa who was a doctor and when he reanimated a patient the patient had seen, as he was dying and seeing himself float outside of his body, an object (a denture) in a hidden place that, before near death, he had no idea of before seeing it as he was leaving his body. My grandpa also told me that similar things had happened with other reanimated patients so this is a verifiable experiment. I just hope that there is something after this life.

I keep living my life hoping that some invisible hand is helping me, and then, when in 70 years i will be damn sure i am seconds from death, i will tell myself: "ok, i am about to test Pascal's wager myself, be ready..."

I am damn sure that there was 1000 in a 1000 in a 1 trillion trillion gorillion mandrillion gazillion chances of me existing right now to type to you. We are clearly alone in this vaste universe. There won't be alien saviours, we are alone.

I’ve read a few of his but I want to focus on my favourite. I first read the stranger a few years back. I knew about absurdism before this but I feel like this really introduced me. The fact that the book has so much in it, but not a lot at the same time. Full of meaning but also complete emptiness, took me allot to realise that was the point of the whole book. Such a great read as I believe it is quite a simple read. However his way of thinking baffles me, although I’m slightly in awe of it. His utter inability to care for anything that is not in his control and also when they are in his control, still staying so calm. Highly recommend this book as an introduction to existentialism and absurdist views.

Maybe someone can understand what I mean, but I've been wrestling with this for some time.

When I get hungry, I satisfy my craving by eating. But all the while, I can't stop thinking about how 'strange' it is. How barbaric, repulsive, and constraining it is to be driven by a need to consume. I understand I need the food to survive, and that brings with it the thought that I am not free.

And it isn't just biological functions. I get lonely, so I reach out to people. Socializing can bring relief from loneliness, but people can also be a source of pain. I understand that humans are social creatures by nature, but this also brings the feeling of not being free.

I envy those who don't think this deeply about it. I don't exactly know how to talk about this with people close to me. What is someone meant to respond to "I don't feel comfortable with being human"? It's in your head. Go exercise. Get out there and meet people. Get laid. Another biological function. It all seems like escapism to me.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Understanding maybe. I can't be the only person who feels this way.

Trigger warning: Death Anxiety, Pet loss

How do you cope with death anxiety? Since I had to put my cat down 3 years ago I can't get past it. I've bounced back before because I never saw it. However I promised Rupert I wouldn't leave him, so he was put to sleep in my arms. I don't see a future. I don't see a point. Everything I love will disappear so why make plans. Why enjoy anything. I'm on meds, got an OT and a social therapist. I am trying everything I can and nothing is working. I am 36 and only 2 years ago is the first time I have not had any toxicity of any kind in my life.

Now I worry I wasted all my good years, and the man who waited for me for 17 years who I plan to marry won't have as much time with me because of that.

Idk I'm just lost, and need some hope.

Sorry for how long this is.

What do you MEAN I'll be in senior year of high school on Thursday and that I'll never get any of these years back so every mistake I've ever made in that system is permanent.

What do you MEAN I'm gonna be one year closer to being an adult.

I can't handle this. I don't want to be an adult, adults are marginally closer to death. And I especially don't want to have school end. That'll mean that I'll be even closer to adulthood and therefore death.

What do I even do now

I'm having lots of weird thoughts that are keeping me from really enjoying life at all. Mainly 2 things.

1. Why am I perceiving the world through my own self? I find this so puzzling. I'm a fairly average person, but I find it so weird how I'm me. I'll never be anyone else. For the entirety of my existence, I will be me.
2. How do I know my consciousness will end? I'm terrified of the idea of immortality. I don't think I'll ever find peace in my life never being sure of whether, when I die, I'll still be aware and thinking. Can you imagine that? Being bound to eternal thought. I can't imagine anything worse. How do I live my life with the constant fear of the unknown possibility of eternity bound to my own thoughts?

About 3 months ago I was in a friends car, I didn't really want to be in the car because I had a crazy amount of work that I should have been doing, but then I realized I was trapped in the car until we got back, and then somehow that escalated super quickly to the realization that I was trapped in my own body. I started hyperventilating, had to tell him I was sick, it was awful.

Anyways, the next day I calmed down but I couldn't stop thinking about the concept of "I" and self. Thoughts like "where am I actually? am I in my brain? am I my arm? my teeth? my eyes? When I look at someone's face, am I really looking at "them"?

These are thoughts I might have welcomed with some sense of wonder in the past, but now they just became so terrifying.

I struggled with intermittent panic attacks over the next couple months, but nothing too bad, and I was able to work most of the time as well.

But this past week everything escalated again, and just today I went out to eat with my girlfriend, and for some reason when we sat down at the restaurant nothing at all felt real, I felt like I was outside my body and I couldn't get back in. And then, I felt like I was inside my body but I realized everyone was a human feeling human emotions/attractions etc., and I just felt completely different. I had an awful panic attack in front of her, I tried to explain what was wrong and she just kept saying "I don't understand and I don't like this"

So I got home and took a bath, I'm still tense, feel like I've completely messed myself up and not sure where to go from here. I think at the root of it, it's just hitting me that it's just so bizarre that we exist at all, I wish I was religious and could have some answers/peace.

Hello... this is my first time making a post on Reddit. An online friend recommended coming on here after I vented about this. My name is Alba and I am 15 years old, and if you're reading this, thank you. I hope you have a nice day. I know this post is very long, but I would really very much appreciate if you read it all genuinely, and I'd gladly be here for you to vent about whatever in return. I'd also appreciate responses.

Last night and through today, I've been having rather a crisis about something. I'll try my best to explain. It ocurred to me, if I dedicated my time and money and effort and life into saving people's lives and greatly improving them, would I not save lots of people? Like, people across the world that I don't know and are in need. Let me elaborate. As in, focusing on making a lot of money, as much as possible, and then using all of it that isn't for sustaining a basic standard of life for myself, by donating to charities that would use it very well, making trips to aid people in need, paying for people to be able to live. Also things like saving animals and nature. Until yesterday I was set on being a singer-songwriter. It's what I want for my own life. And thought of using money for things like travelling and amazing experiences. But if dedicating my life to what I described, helping the world as much as I can, would result in lives literally being saved, then surely that's worth way more than my happiness in my own life. And the thing that everyone spends their money, time and effort in things that are for themselves and the life around them. Is that not unconsciously extremely selfish and horrible? Most people wouldn't kill someone, even if it benefited themselves. But are we not all constantly letting people die, and live horrible lives, by doing nothing? And it doesn't cross people's minds, just because it is far removed in ways from them? For those who actually consider the extreme suffering of the world and feel bad about it (which I have previously, many times) most think 'I'm one person, I can't do anything about it.' But it's not true, is it? Is that not something we tell ourselves to pacify ourselves and make us feel OK in doing nothing and focusing on our own lives?

So that's made me feel like the world is... wrong?

So now I'm thinking, what do I do? Do I change the course of my life? Do I plan and act for making my life all about helping as many people in the world, and those most in need, as much as possible? Making the world a better place, as much as I can manage?

All this is feels strange and sudden. I look at the people I admire most and find myself questioning how good they really are now. And it doesn't seem like anyone is talking about this or like anyone is living this life that I talk about, a life dedicated to helping the world as much as possible through people and nature. I'm not saying people don't do good and important things, I know people do charity work and people donate money and people make efforts, but I haven't seen people dedicating their lives to what I'm describing. And I'm doubting myself because, I can't be the only person who this has ocurred to? There are many deeply caring, empathic and kind people in the world.

Now, where did all this come from? It was quite sudden. One day, living my life which I'm actually happy in, doing things for myself, living for... myself, and the next having this crisis which has been overbearing of my life. One part of what insentivised is something that AURORA said in an interview. The question was, 'We could never be friends if you...?' and part of her response was 'if you don't see the connection between your actions and what's happening out there and how every small choice is either being a part of the problem or actually helping it'. That stuck with me because I love AURORA so much and am currently very much into discovering her music and she is an AMAZING person, and it doesn't seem like I'm contributing to the world being a better place in terms of environment and stuff. So that got me thinking about stuff in that sense, whether I should change my life to be a lot more environment and nature friendly. Also, I think it would be amazing to talk to AURORA herself about all this. Obviously that's a wild dream. But...yeah.

But what got me to start crisising, and in a more big and intense sense, what scrolling one night and seeing a bunch of things about the Earth, people suffering, pollution, animal suffering, nature. And then there's that I love nature and am empathic and that previously I have felt deeply sad about extreme suffering across the world. So, these things combined led to me getting into this.

Also, on a smaller scale, and as I mentioned before, things like living in a way that minimises my contribution to the very negative human impact on the environment, our world, the life on Earth. Most people think, 'I'm one person, it won't change things.' But that mentality is what creates the problems, accumulatively. So, by living more or less like the average person, in terms of how many resources I use, how much waste I create, am I not the problem? Is it worth it to put time and money and effort into living in a really eco-friendly way?

I feel I can't go back to happily living my little life now. It's night now as I write the end of this and I'm no longer in the panicky, distressing and immediate kind of crisis feeling but this is very much on my mind. 'Normal' life feels... wrong. A part of my mind tries to convince me that I couldn't actually literally save lives. Because if I can, then that surely necessitates that I do all that stuff I've talked about in this post. That's worth more than any personal stuff ever could.

So far, all advice in response to my descriptions of this all has been that I don't have to worry so much, that I can do small things like donating a bit to charity, to take care of my own life, that I can't actually do much and the world is as it is. I feel like all these things are not really at all aligned with what I'm actually saying. Like no one actually gets it. I don't know if anyone will. I don't know what to do.

I've put this under existential crisis because it sort of is, in the sense that I'm questioning and doubting and deeply troubled about my life and the world.

If you are here, having properly read all of this, then I really appreciate it. Thank you. I appreciate responses, particularly if they're thoughtful.

Love, Alba

I posted the following over on r/NoStupidQuestions:

"So, from what I can tell, we have been barreling toward a negative feedback loop that will eventually lead to the AMOC Collapse. The US has just put a cinder block on the gas pedal of the Climate Crisis in it's love affair with AI, which means that the timeline to AMOC collapse is shrinking exponentially. Assuming the worst and there's no eco-revolution that eliminates the major forces driving this (trillionaires, rampant anarcho-capitalism, petroleum industry, etc.), once that collapse takes place, its over. Earth becomes uninhabitable within a few decades or less.

There's no way to predict the exact timeframe of this collapse, but it could be anywhere from 5-50 years. No longer than a single human generation. Even if we cut all contributing factors today, we'll still keep moving toward this negative feedback loop. It's not enough to just stop, we have to proactively counter-act it, and idk if we can even manage the first thing.

I'm only 30 and I'm reasonably healthy, so I'll have to watch it all happen. I'll have to watch as all the beauty I grew up loving dies, my communities starve or burn to death, all the art and knowledge of the world melt. I'll have to watch as my family, friends, children, pets suffer. So, I'm just wondering, how do I, a poor and unemployed veteran with an associates degree in Business Management, spend the next 5 years? Should I keep trying to get a job so I can maybe afford an apartment for me and my girlfriend? Should I keep dreaming of writing books, becoming a teacher, and opening a table-top gaming store in my hometown? Or should I just do tons of drugs and blow all my remaining money on backpacking across Europe? What do you think?"

I didn't get very many responses but I'm still dealing with these feelings. I'm trapped in a home with two people (MAGA conservatives) who keep telling me that I'm wrong or crazy about the issues causing our collective problems, and when I bring up the completely avoidable end of the world they just tell me to get right with God because there's no way to change things. Instead of taking responsibility for their moral contradictions, they just invalidate me for having consistent values and tell me to just go back to being brainwashed by the pulpiteers.

I'm so anxious and depressed, but I don't think it's something antidepressants can cure! It's not like I'm sick, I just see what's happening, what evil people are doing, and I have what I view to be the very natural response of get stressed tf out about it. I don't smoke weed that much anymore, and honestly that's been really good for me, but when this dread hits me, all I want to do is toke until I die. Anybody here have some advice for dealing with these feelings in a healthier way?

About a month ago, while on a run, the realization that I see the world through my eyes, through my own perception finally occurred to me. But the realization hit me hard. It kind of freaked me out. When I randomly think of this, how I see the world through my eyes and my perception, it still freaks me out. I also have OCD mental loops, so I loop these thoughts in my head until they make me anxious.

Of course, I always could have told you , of course I’m a real person. This feeling is like the complete OPPOSITE of depersonalization. I don’t know if any of this rambling makes sense, but I go back to school soon and I’m nervous this is all I’m going to be thinking about.

I talked to a friend about this, who put it pretty nicely for me. She said it’s just like saying your name over and over again until it almost sounds strange.