u/chimmy_chungus23

Maybe someone can understand what I mean, but I've been wrestling with this for some time.

When I get hungry, I satisfy my craving by eating. But all the while, I can't stop thinking about how 'strange' it is. How barbaric, repulsive, and constraining it is to be driven by a need to consume. I understand I need the food to survive, and that brings with it the thought that I am not free.

And it isn't just biological functions. I get lonely, so I reach out to people. Socializing can bring relief from loneliness, but people can also be a source of pain. I understand that humans are social creatures by nature, but this also brings the feeling of not being free.

I envy those who don't think this deeply about it. I don't exactly know how to talk about this with people close to me. What is someone meant to respond to "I don't feel comfortable with being human"? It's in your head. Go exercise. Get out there and meet people. Get laid. Another biological function. It all seems like escapism to me.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Understanding maybe. I can't be the only person who feels this way.

Yesterday was my 2 months clean. I haven't had too many physical symptoms since the first 2 weeks(besides what I can only describe as a demon living in my intestines that won't go away). I thought I was pretty much over it, but in the last 2 weeks or so, I find that nothing really brings me pleasure or satisfaction anymore. Socializing and talking to people, hobbies, exercise, nothing seems to feel right. I ride my bike every day, and that hasn't changed, but I find it to be more of a chore that I have to get out of the way more than something I've always done because I loved it.

I had quit CT a few years ago, and I relapsed mostly because after two months, every cell in my body was screaming for relief. This time around, I tapered down and quit. Ultimately I think that was the better method for me, and I'm not experiencing the same symptoms I did from the CT quit. I feel fine physically, but overall I just feel numb to everything.

I'm determined and dedicated to see this through, I guess I just didn't expect this to come on so suddenly. A month and a half in, I maybe had some hope that the worst was already out of the way and I could just go about my life.

I just needed to vent. I hope this goes away soon.

I've been feeling a bit better, sort of. I've been isolated lately, but I ride my bike every day and I have my friend. I've known them for a long time. We met at the kratom bar, and they had just begun a 3 year probation. Their vice was alcohol. I had my issues with alcohol as well, but I'd never gotten in too much trouble for it. But for 3 years I watched my friend do what needed to be done and rebuild their life from the ground up. They even inspired me to quit drinking(3 years as of the end of July).

Unfortunately, it didn't take long after probation was over until the alcohol came back. 'Now that I've quit, I can just have one', ya know? It broke my heart. They lost their job, fell back into old habits. We lost touch for a while after that.

Sometimes a coincidence is so hard to ignore that one could almost call it cosmic synchronicity, providence. It just so happened the day before I decided to quit the kratom, my friend calls me out of the blue and wants to go see a movie. They were clean, they were going to AA meetings, they had a new job. We've been in touch a lot since then and we kind of became accountability partners for each other.

They've been struggling with family stuff lately. I tried my best to be there for them. This morning I woke up to drunk texts.

When I quit drinking, I knew then that it was over. I had attempted to quit many times prior, but this time it was different. It wasn't even difficult, I just knew it was over, the same way I feel about kratom now. There is nothing that can compel me to go back. But I must admit, it hurts to see a friend keep hurting themselves over and over again. I don't know what to do, or how to help, or if I want to keep watching the same thing play out again and again, or what it says about me if I didn't.

I'm just tired of addiction. I hate what it does to people.

I'm almost a month clean after 6-7 years of use(meme not intended). I knew to expect the withdrawal and everything that comes with that, but what I wasn't anticipating was feeling like a young man again. In retrospect it makes sense. Kratom activates the opioid receptors, and opioids are known to decrease libido, but it surprises me just how much it may have effected me.

If anything, it's just another reason why quitting was a good choice.

I've been riding a bicycle for years. For the last 2 years I try to shoot for 8 miles a day, 5 on workout days(3 days), minus 1 rest day. I had my bike in the shop for 2 weeks(longer than I anticipated), and in between that I started my kratom detox after a long taper.

I have had sudden knee flair-ups in the past. I'm in my mid 30s, so I figured I may just be getting old. That said, ever since I got back on the bike and back to my normal routine, my body is really feeling it more. It comes and goes, like after my cycling is done for the day it sometimes is painful to even walk. Prior to my detox I was good to go, no worse for wear.

I'm just curious if quitting the kratom may have something to do with it. I initially started kratom for anxiety, so besides the occasional knee pain, pain management wasn't really my intent. Does withdrawal cause joint pain, or maybe years of kratom use masked it as I kept using it?

I've been a user for about 6 years. Tea and toss-and-wash mostly(thank God I never got into extract, I'm sorry if you're fighting that demon). I quit hanging out at the kratom bar, then soon after started tapering with the powder.

I finally got down to small portions and fewer daily doses until I ran out last night. I have attempted a CT quit about 2 years ago. I got 2 months through it until I couldn't handle every cell in my body screaming for relief while taking on a lot of work pressure, and I relapsed. Circumstances are different now, but of course life is difficult and the world spins regardless.

I'm angry at how easy it was to get hooked to this stuff. I'm angry that I inadvertently created a social circle around this plant. I've made many friends, a lot of good people also struggling, but I can't be there anymore and now it feels like I'm starting from 0 with no support. I'm angry with myself for letting it come to this.

I quit drinking almost 3 years ago, and that was only a fraction of what this is. This is hell. There's the old recovery mantra, "Embrace the suck". It's on the forefront of my mind today. I'm fighting between going for a walk and laying in bed, and nothing feels right. I feel tired and anxious at the same time.