A heartbroken vent, wall of text alert
I just want to vent after a series of unfortunate and heartbreaking events. Hopefully my negative feelings do not ruin anyone’s wonderful night.
I am an international PhD in mechanical engineering. I graduated two years ago and have been working since then at a small “startup” company. Honestly, it was a fun experience. I got to do academic research, but also turn research projects into actual products. I also got to work with two talented PhDs who graduated from top universities (MIT-level). So for a while, I really thought things were going somewhere. But good things never last long, do they? Two months ago, my company basically shut down, and our entire department was given 8 weeks to find a new place. What’s worse, I got laid off before getting H1B, and this year would have been my last H1B lottery chance. So I basically had no choice but to start looking for academia jobs, because with my visa constraints, it feels like companies automatically deny me the moment they realize what sponsorship would involve.
At first, I was still fairly confident. The search was brutal, but I thought, okay, maybe I still have a chance. I aimed at national labs or TT positions at RCU/R2 schools, mainly because I don’t have postdoc experience. I am by no means an accomplished PhD, but I do have 10 journal papers and over 200 citations. I know citation count is a bad metric, but hey, at least I don’t self-cite.
A few weeks ago, I got an interview at Lawrence Berkeley for a staff scientist position. I honestly have no idea how my profile got past the search committee. I was nervous during the interview, and to be fair, my background did not fully align with the division at LBNL. I was not selected, which was not exactly a huge surprise. But still, I got interviewed by arguably one of the most prolific researchers in my field at a top institution. I actually felt honored just being recognized by people at that level. Not getting into a top institution as a PI is certainly not failure in my dictionary. So the search continued.
Because I only started applying for TT positions in late February, most application windows had already closed, and my CV probably was not even reviewed by most schools I applied to. But then one RCU school, in a blue city in a blue state, had an emergency opening in late March that fit my background really well. Even better, I had very credible insider information about the search committee from a close friend. Two weeks ago, the search committee selected five candidates, and I was ranked first on their candidate list.
Then a week ago, their provost suddenly told them that they would not sponsor H1B unless the candidate who did not require sponsorship was utterly unqualified for the position. Today I learned that, after the interview, the search committee decided that the only candidate out of five who does not require H1B seems to be okay for the position. So they are going to move forward with that person, despite having interviewed only one candidate. So I do not even get the chance to interview, despite being ranked as the top candidate.
I have also been in talks with some companies that need my skills. The technical talks always go well until they realize the only realistic way they can hire me is to sponsor an O1 visa. Then everything changes.
At this point, I cannot even go back to my own school as a postdoc because it is in Florida. My mentor also passed away from a sudden heart attack in my fourth year of PhD, and I still mourn him. He was incredibly supportive to me. My NIW was submitted two years ago and I still have not heard anything. My EB1A application, despite being deemed qualified by my lawyer (a very credible one) is still hanging there and certainly is not going to save me in time.
Now the only possible way forward seems to be becoming an academic slave and working 24/7 as a postdoc. Not only would that cripple my salary, but I am not even sure any professor would take me, because they would need to spend extra money on H1B for me.
Seriously, why is everything against me. I worked so hard. I got the PhD. I published. I worked in industry. I built things. I tried to do everything right. And now I feel like none of it matters. I feel so hopeless and utterly heartbroken at this point.