u/The-Law73

Kind of a long story short, I used to help a girl with her account since before only fans was a thing. She used to do cam work and we hooked up in Vegas. When only fans came up me and her started her account because she wanted to do something that made her feel okay and she was going to do it with without me and I wanted to try to help keep her safe. She's now one of the bigger accounts on there and me and her have since stepped away.

I went through a really bad breakup about 6 or 7 years that I might be 8 years now and didn't date for over 5 years and then I met somebody that I fell in love with and in the span of 6 months she took everything from me I lost literally everything. I've gotten to the point now where even if a female coworker touches me I cringe I don't want anything to do with anybody and I started to develop hatred towards that gender I didn't want to feel like that anymore and so I decided to try to reach out to females to talk to them so that I wouldn't be so apprehensive around them. I would have gone to dating sites or something like that but I wasn't interested in dating and when a girl looks at somebody like me on a dating site she won't reply because she thinks that I'm after her body. That left me only fans. So I started talking to people on there and I developed several friendships on there people that I've talked to for years now. Never saw them naked never talked sexual or nothing like that. Never spent a dime on anybody.

Then I met somebody and we were in contact for over 2 years but we just started talking about 4 months ago and I made a joke about her being a bad girlfriend and she got mad at me and she made this long ass list of things that she did for me things that she remembered things about our friendship and then she got mad at me saying that she wishes that I would stop making girlfriend jokes and then taking them back before even giving her a chance to sit on the idea. At this point I didn't know what she looked like she didn't know what I looked like but she asked me out that day and I said yes. I started getting a little bit worse suspicious because of how good this person was treating me and honestly I started to not believe anything she said because if she treated me like I was the winner and the relationship like I was the prize. She's not American but she lives in New York. Sometimes she would have trouble separating me from the job and I would have to remind her that I'm not a customer I'm a friend at this point I was her boyfriend.

Any ideas of dating really freaked me out but she made me feel like I was okay. And truth be told she might have saved my life near the end of September. I had a big change happen that was almost the end of me and I broke it off today after my birthday because I started to have my doubts about things, she wanted to take things slow but then she would do things that made me question that. I know that she was just as scared as I am and I have no doubt that I actually was talking to the person, but it has me kind of feeling embarrassed and wondering about this whole situation. I started to feel like she was giving me the girlfriend experience but late at night when I couldn't sleep it felt more raw like she was being honest with me. She was teaching me Spanish, she was making sure that I'd eaten that day because I had quit taking care of myself for a little bit because of the situation. We had made a decision to wait a year to find out whether or not we were going to move to one or the other and the idea of leaving the platform scared the hell out of her she said because the way the platform works she can lose her livelihood. I've been trying to get back in contact with her but due to an issue with a verification I can't temporarily. This leads me to my list of questions and I'm expecting to get made fun of in the chat so hit me with everything. Please be blunt

We were not spending money on anything to do with the conversations or the relationships. We had decided that me buying nudes would have been like me jumping the line and taking a shortcut and we had talked about that quite a bit. I told her I felt like that would be me taking the easy way out towards her and she told me that the reason she fell in love with me was because of how I treated her. Because I treated her like she was a person not like she was an only fans girl. I know how the GFE experience works but this didn't feel like that and again I'm in the industry too so it takes a lot to get one over me but I don't know if it was my insecurities or my intuition that led me to this conclusion.

My question is, has there ever been a relationship last that was started through of?

Does that mean that I'm many less of a man because the girl that I love does only fans?

Is there any chance that this was just a scheme to get money out of me in the future? I've been out of the game for a while and I'm really trying to figure out if she was being honest with me, every time we've talked about spending money we both steered away from it sometimes her first sometimes me first. The only thing that I had told her that I was going to do was buy some for her for her birthday because I have nobody in my life to do that for but her birthday isn't for several months so it's not like she told me it was tomorrow.

I guess TLDR version is this, did I fall for the GFE experience? She told me her last name where she was originally from she told me things that you can't find online. And she never once asked me for money.

And does this mean that I'm a loser incel that I want to get back in touch with her? I'm not asking for advice, I'm just asking for opinions

Edit 1. I didn't know what she looked like until she asked me out. I have started to like talking to her even before that. She didn't know what I look like until she asked me out. I said her pictures of myself after she did and she still wanted to go out with me. Or 1500 km or 1,000 miles away from each other. And we are making plans to meet... No money was exchanged. She refused to accept it, and she's a pretty big creator