u/TheAmethystEye

I am a PhD student in human nutrition with over a decade of experience in renal nutrition, dialysis facility management, and quality improvement. (I am a registered dietitian.) My planned graduation date is December 2027. I am trying to decide if MSL is a path I want to pursue when I finish. My expertise is in renal, but I have a great deal of interest in and experience with diabetes, obesity medicine, and related metabolic disease.

Question 1: Are there any MSL positions you are aware of that I may be especially qualified for? Are there any specific companies you would recommend I look into?

Question 2: Is the salary range for someone with my background significantly different than someone who has a PharmD or MD?

Thank you in advance for sharing your knowledge!

I (41 F) have been with my husband (49 M) for 16+ years, no kids. We have had a wonderful marriage for most of this time. Throughout the majority of our time together we have been a "power couple." We are both high achievers who get stuff done. We have tackled multiple projects together (renovating 3 homes, building furniture, building a fun side business) as well as enjoyed several recreational activities together including travel, working out, going do "fun" things around town, etc. We've always had a lot in common, and it showed. For most of our marriage I would say he's my best friend who happens to also be my very attractive lover.

He is highly logical, he gets VERY into his hobbies/interests, and he historically had some issues with not being able to experience empathy. That last one caused a lot of communication problems over the years, and we have both worked hard to understand each other and communicate better. He has come a long way with this, but it caused much deeper wounds than I realized, and they haven't fully healed. (Clarifying- Though some things he has said and done are not the healthiest, he has never been abusive.)

A lot of things changed in the last 2 years. We moved to my home state together for the first time, and I went back to school for a PhD. I have developed a more diverse support system of friends and family, and some of them are separate from him. He doesn't have close friends and mostly relies on me to take him out to socialize. Our free time is spent very differently than it was before. He has started another business, one that I do NOT enjoy and don't want to be a part of, but he talks about it all the time. As in... that's nearly all he talks about. It's the majority of his personality. He loves it, and he's good at it. I am happy for him, but I find myself very averse to hearing about anything to do with it. That's an issue, because he's about to sink some serious capital into it. I believe in him, but for nuanced reasons I don't want to be a part of this business. Think of it like selling a product you don't stand behind- it feels icky and wrong. This business is going in a direction that I feel morally averse to, though I do see the long-term benefits and potential for good. If I were totally happy in this marriage, I'd swallow my protests and help him make it happen.

About 8 months ago, we were at a party, and I met someone. I didn't expect to be attracted to this guy, but after a few hours of conversation, I knew I could get into trouble if I allowed myself. So I didn't. But then we met up again at a group hang 4 months ago, and I went into full-blown limerence afterwards. We texted a lot for a short while, and it was incredible experiencing that kind of emotional connection unfold. He is a truly unique and beautiful person, and the care he showed me was unmatched. Even though we never crossed any lines, I put an end to it because the anxiety and guilt were eating away at me.

A few days later I spilled it all to my husband. I told him about having strong feelings for someone else, about feeling like he and I were completely disconnected and like we were missing some vital things from our relationship, about how we were basically just roommates who have sex. After a few days my husband experienced a HUGE emotional breakthrough which is a story all on its own. He is now able to experience empathy and emotions on a level neither of us ever knew he was capable of. This was a major and necessary upheaval. We went to couples therapy for a few months, and it helped a lot. We have both been doing the work.

Here's the problem- I don't know if it matters. Something that has persisted for many years is that I really enjoy it when he's traveling, when he's gone and I have the house to myself. I just feel... lighter. I don't want him around. I want to be alone. This hasn't changed except for a very brief period after we reconciled. I find myself not wanting to talk with him, wishing I were waking up alone and didn't have to pretend I was happy (or even neutral) about having him there. I fantasize about other people. When I'm turned on (and I definitely have a healthy libido) I will have sex with him, but I consistently wish I were with someone else. It's not that he isn't a good lover, because he is. He just doesn't smell right most of the time. His breath or his body odor smell off, though he has good hygiene. I feel like he's family, but not my lover. I can't even call him my best friend anymore because I don't want to hang out or talk with him. I feel guilty every time he wants to hang out with me or talks about the future. He plans his life around me (he's learning piano now because I play and has emphatically stated that he'd never be able to continue if we divorced) but I just want my own life, separate from him. I'm tired of being a "we," specifically with him.

These periods of avoidance are interspersed with periods of neutrality and sometimes contentment. When I'm content, I feel comforted by him and comfortable in his presence. When he touches me, it's nice. It feels normal and fine. Every now and then, I experience the "anxious" side of anxious/avoidance attachment. That hasn't happened as much. I understand that this stems from trauma, and I'm practicing self-soothing to get through it.

I'm finding that I can't stay in the "contentment" zone. I keep going back to this feeling of avoidance, the desire for autonomy, and being very turned off by his presence. It's the worst when my libido is high because I constantly want to seek out someone else, and being with him is like settling for an apple when you're hardcore craving chocolate cake.

This man loves me so much. He is still very attracted to me, and he gets turned on just by cuddling with me. He talks about how amazing I am. I feel so validated by all the things he does and says now, but I don't want him anymore. I really want to want him, but I feel like throughout this whole process I have become a person who no longer finds him to be a compatible partner. I have a very hard time brushing off the multitude of little things that he does that bother me, things that have always bothered me to an extent but used to be greatly overshadowed by the love I felt for him.

Maybe this could get good again. Maybe we could reconnect and I could enjoy his company again. But I feel like we're changing in diverging directions. I have no desire to change my course to follow him, and I would never demand that he change his. The deep pull I used to have to make this marriage work is evaporating.

Leaving would take a tremendous logistical and emotional toll. I still have a year and a half left of school, so the financial and practical fallout would be huge. He is an integral part of my family, and most of them wouldn't understand why I left. Then there are the questions about the future. Would I regret leaving? Would I ever want to get married again? Would I want to try polyamory? What would my single life look like? Where should I live and work when I'm done with school? Some of it is exciting, and some is terrifying. Not having kids makes it easier, but that doesn't mean it's easy to leave. Even if it ended up being the right thing in the long run, I know there would be profound sadness and loneliness in my future.

I welcome any insight.

TL;DR I no longer enjoy being with my husband but don't have a concrete reason to leave other than we are changing into different people. This would blow up my entire life. I am struggling to decide whether to stick it out to see if it can get better again.