u/TheBestMonsterHunter

Drawing recently, feels like a chore. I picked up drawing so I could draw my OCs one day(nobody today is gonna read a book about them so it's better to draw them). All that to say is, I don't know what to do, this problem isn't as simple as "draw boxes" or study references, I need to know if I'm gonna improve or if I'm improving. What's the point if I'm not?

I've seen others drawings, other beginners, I lowered my standards for achievement. But seeing other "beginners" only make me madder since their level of art is still significantly above me! It's like I'm uniquely bad at art or something, I know it's not the case but still.

I HATE how people perceive others struggling, "maybe art isn't for you" and "you're just lazy". What happened to the "ART IS FOR EVERYONE" agenda? HUH?! It still isn't it? I don't want to get others skill or talent, I just want their journey. They got good somehow! They had some form of direction, just give it to me!!!!

Don't get me started on tutorials, sheesh, I can't stand them. Presumptuous and ignorant, not everyone understands what you're saying and what you're doing. If you say the circle doesn't have to perfect then don't draw it PERFECT, make it FLAWED, that'll do you some numbers. I could actually follow along if that's the case.

Back on the skill level thing, is there a skill level below beginner in art? I'm not trying to put myself down, I'm dead serious, if there was help for people like me there this post wouldn't exist.

To end this little rant off, I just want something to do, out of all my passions being Game Development, Writing, and Art, this one is somehow the one I'm struggling the most with. It feels humiliating, just watching, reading, and listening just to still not get it. I just want to know if there's improvement out for me, I don't want to give up but I don't see better options for me. I've been staring at a blank page for a while now, it's 3:00am for me. I've started and stopped in past but this attempt is special, I can't stop. I feel like I have to keep going, just one more page, just something. Perhaps, I've placed too much personal weight on drawing, I feel depressed when I think about it. I feel angry when I watch anime or see "good" art. I'm a perfectionist at heart so I know I'll never be satisfied, but if I can see a noticeable improvement, I can at least not dread the medium in it's entirely.

I do nothing all day, just stay in bed and occasionally get up to MD while listening to music. I have no hobbies, no real personality or anything. I think all day about concepts and ideas that’ll never come into fruition. I want to make games, as I get to the first step I give up. My mind never shuts up, there’s always some kind of music or sound that’s playing in the background. I want to be someone, something?! I’ve been doing this my whole life and I didn’t know it was an issue until like this year. What’s the point of existing if this is the only thing I’ll be. Someone who dreams of doing things they’ll never get to do.