Snow White
In a very confusing but yet clear state.
I’m very addicted to coke+booze mix ever since I got back from a deployment. Been almost everyday since I got home 7 months ago. Had the same problem 2 years before that. I really really wanna be sober but don’t at the same time. I’m in trouble with my jobs and now my wife/family. I wanna be sober but feel like I don’t want to at the same time. I’m no stranger to rehab/counseling, they always seem to make me worse in my opinion. I hate telling people my feelings and I feel like rehab is just a little ol poor me program. I will say NA meetings feel good, I feel connected to most people there, but at the same time it doesn’t help. I’m like stuck in purgatory with what I want in life. I have a wife and children which I care about very much but I’m just not man enough to do the right thing. Purgatory. Anyone else feel this way?