Confused about my attraction to men and scared of what it could mean.
I don’t know what to do. I get extremely turned on by the idea of someone fucking me or treating me like a girl. The idea of using a chastity cage or shaving and actually having sex is pretty much the only thing that gives me that level of excitement. The problem is that it feels like I’m more attracted to dicks than to men themselves. Most men don’t turn me on, only the ones that most people would consider attractive.
So I don’t know how to confirm whether I’m actually attracted to guys. Part of me is scared of downloading Grindr and hooking up with a random person because, besides diseases, part of me feels like everything would change afterward, like it would be a before and after moment in my life (I didn’t feel that way when I had sex with a girl). I should say that doing it honestly terrifies me, almost like I’d be doing something forbidden.
And the truth is I don’t know how to slowly explore things with a guy. In real life, that “bottom” side of me doesn’t really exist, it only shows up in my fantasies.