u/ThePhilospherMan

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Gov allowed this to observe and attack. To make a narrative. They will counter attack for sure. They just wanted to see our strength. But expect some deep malice from Gov soon.

I am from Bihar where every caste group (in my area around Patna, I don't know about other regions) uses a common surname, Kumar. It must have been one reason why I became caste-blind. And what relief I had growing up like that. It is not to say that my society was free of caste discrimination, neither do I want to be caste-blind now, but I would choose a childhood with a common surname any day rather than being exposed to constant reminders about surnames.

After my primary education, I moved to Patna. And as I would later come across, no landlord asked my caste before renting me a room. My full awareness about caste came only after I moved to Allahabad. The city is beautiful indeed, but its caste dynamics are a cruel one. Right from my hostel days, boys started discussion around reservation. As it may be obvious, I first encountered upper-caste boys abusing OBC and lower-caste people. The hidden surnames — Dwivedi, Sharma, Rana, Rawat, Jha (one of my professors calling out another Jha in my classroom and favouring them) — started becoming visible. And to be honest, I had never known until this point that you can guess a person's caste by their surname. It may appear a lie to others, but I was 16–17 years old and had never been exposed to the constant calling out of surnames.

In my 6th semester, I had to move outside the hostel because of my allergy and the disgusting condition of the hostel rooms. I became hyper-aware about caste dynamics now — hyper because I was sick, and then shocked because every single landlord asked my surname (when I had just uttered my first name) and then my caste upfront (they could get nothing from me being a Kumar). Again, maybe it was because I was sick, but the whole thing seemed so cruel. So pathetic. But I guess it would have been the same even if I had not been sick.

Now I cannot say that anyone denied me a room because of my caste (many times I just refused to tell and moved on), but the whole thing was perhaps for the landlords' reference — to know how to treat me later? As much as I was shocked, I rented a room and started living. And then this happened.

One night I was sleeping in my room. There was a knock on my door. I opened it. There was a man in his 30s with my landlord. The landlord told the man that he could stay overnight. When I enquired, the landlord told me that the man had come to appear for an examination and, since hotel rooms are costly, he wanted to stay in a local room. I agreed. But then the man in his 30s asked me my caste, and then, in front of me, told the landlord that he could not stay with me because of my caste. Now I laughed internally at the poor fellow, but again it became an event that made the reality out there plain to me.

But as stubborn as I was, I only truly absorbed this after a local girl asked my caste on the second day of our date, and later the same girl broke up with me for reasons that her family could not accept me.

Now I am not saying that Bihar is a heaven of caste indifference. After all, the state had and has had many caste-based feudal armies, and people massacring each other over their castes. After I became hyper-aware, I could obviously see caste-based slurs in my own society too. But was it a curse of being a Kumar, or something a child deserves — even at the cost of what I had to go through later?

I will be direct and particularly I am not seeking any advice. Just want to put it here.

The current status of our earth, weather and ecosystem makes me anxious. Though in no way I am hooked to such news. I just have to step up outside my home to feel the imminent threat of collapse. The heat outside is just unbearable. I can not think how daily wage earners, road side hawkers, farmers and any professional required to work outside is surviving. Is it not a torture for them? Warehouse workers, delivery agents, construction workers etc also comes in my mind. How do they feel about it? How are they able to accept such a degraded environment around them? How much pain and suffering it has on their bodies and mind? How do they cope up with it? It looks so bleak.
Personally because I am in a position to avoid those kind of works, I feel like an oppressor. My personal work through my company makes me put pressure on warehouse workers. At the same time, whenever I do Qcom, I feel a remorse. My AC filled office and rooms, my consumption style, my ambitions takes a bleak turn here. And I feel like I don't have rights over my ambitions when there are lakhs people suffering. I understand all theories, marxism, neoliberalism, advance capitalism, Philosophy. But somehow this stark reality makes me numb about my life and work!