Has anyone else struggled in fandom spaces?
I am friendly. I want to make friends, especially if they share my interests. But I struggle a lot with writing professionally and I can't seem to get my thoughts together when it comes to wanting to talk about stuff I am passionate about and it ends up writing out wrong, and either way i can't join anyone's already started discussion because i also struggle a lot with that for the same reasons. Even when it is just art i struggle to compliment it because no words will come to me but I really don't want to leave it at just a like I want the artist to know just how much i like it! I am not witty and have nothing good to say. I also want to create, i want to create art and write fanfiction but I have literally nothing in my brain, I am cursed to wanting to create but I have no creativity.
A friend told me to try this other app to socialize. I had confidence one day and posted on that same app this sort of character discussion i guess because I had a thought that their family and friends also influenced them being mean to another character. People started getting mad at me and i was confused and then my friend said the way i wrote it sounded like I was excusing the character's bad actions. I didnt want to do that at all! I am glad for my friend by the way, he understands me and helps me put my words together more clear and doesn't get mad at me. We had a very serious discussion a few days ago about a topic and he helped fill in for the words i couldnt find and stuff, it made me so happy I was stimming so hard!
Fandom spaces also scare me and make me feel alone for other reasons but I will skip that because it's less of an autism issue.
It really hurts because i really want to talk to other people about my interests but I still feel really alone even on the internet, and yes i know i should just give it up and enjoy it myself on my lonesome but i am friendly and i want human interaction desperately, I imagine my persona on the internet is the same as my persona was in real life when i had a "friend group" , sitting in a corner on the floor with knees tucked to my chest and just listening to every one at the table speak and wishing i could chime in too, make them laugh too and make them think i am smart with the things i have in my head.
i am smart, i think, in my own way even though i am intellectually disabled, i have serious topics in my head, but its like a dumped box of puzzle pieces in there. and hypothetically the puzzle put together creates a cat image. I know the puzzle piece create a cat image but i cant put them together, and other people don't see a cat image so they are confused, but I also can't prove it's a cat image.
Ok I think that is enough (I feel like im forgetting something though aah!). I never know how to end posts, it's so awkward... ~.~ what characters do you headcanon as autistic? :D I headcanon Jack Marston from Red Dead Redemption hehe