u/TheStarvingWriter00

Hiii! I've posted on this sub once before and really appreciated the advice I got, so I thought I'd come back with a new issue that I'm facing.

I started dating my partner Vanessa (28NB) back in January of 2025. I feel like with each month that passes I fall deeper in love with them, and being in the relationship has made me happier and more hopeful for the future than I ever thought I'd be. When I first met them, I had spent the year previous fixing my unhealthy eating habits and establishing a fitness routine that I really stuck with. I never weighed myself due to a long, traumatic history with the scale, but I went from a size 16 in women's pants to a size 10. I felt confident, light, and healthy in a way I hadn't in a long time.

Unfortunately, relationship weight-gain is a very real thing. Since we got together, I've gone from a size 10 all the way back up to a size 16/18. My fitness routine dissolved with several life changes (finishing grad school, starting a 9-5, having a really bad mental health spiral) and I'm struggling to establish a new one, especially since now I've moved in with Vanessa and there are no gyms close by our place. On top of that, Vanessa is a really good cook, and they have a tendency to prepare meals that are calorically high. They aren't skinny, but they don't retain weight the same way I do, as I have PCOS and ridiculously high cortisol. Vanessa is very body positive and tells me that I'm beautiful and that it doesn't matter what size I am, but I just feel so heavy and unhealthy. My clothes don't fit and I'm ridiculously self conscious, to the point of crying when I see the new stretch-marks that have appeared in the past few months.

This is, of course, not Vanessa's fault. I am in control of my own body and my own food intake. But we prepare meals together to save money and to provide a sense of closeness, and I want to start cooking things that are more wholesome. How do I broach this topic and tell them that I'm serious about it?

I started dating my partner Vanessa (28NB) back in January of 2025. I feel like with each month that passes I fall deeper in love with them, and being in the relationship has made me happier and more hopeful for the future than I ever thought I'd be. When I first met them, I had spent the year previous fixing my unhealthy eating habits and establishing a fitness routine that I really stuck with. I never weighed myself due to a long, traumatic history with the scale, but I went from a size 16 in women's pants to a size 10. I felt confident, light, and healthy in a way I hadn't in a long time.

Unfortunately, relationship weight-gain is a very real thing. Since we got together, I've gone from a size 10 all the way back up to a size 16/18. My fitness routine dissolved with several life changes (finishing grad school, starting a 9-5, having a really bad mental health spiral) and I'm struggling to establish a new one, especially since now I've moved in with Vanessa and there are no gyms close by our place. On top of that, Vanessa is a really good cook, and they have a tendency to prepare meals that are calorically high. They aren't skinny, but they don't retain weight the same way I do, as I have PCOS and ridiculously high cortisol. Vanessa is very body positive and tells me that I'm beautiful and that it doesn't matter what size I am, but I just feel so heavy and unhealthy. My clothes don't fit and I'm ridiculously self conscious, to the point of crying when I see the new stretch-marks that have appeared in the past few months.

This is, of course, not Vanessa's fault. I am in control of my own body and my own food intake. But we prepare meals together to save money and to provide a sense of closeness, and I want to start cooking things that are more wholesome. How do I broach this topic and tell them that I'm serious about it? Any help would be much appreciated!