u/TheSurrealUser

My child, 10, is encouraged by his mother to hide stuff from me.

For context, we still live together and are preparing for divorce.

Due to mistakes I did, the relationship with my child is not the greatest. We still get along well and spend time together, but he is not open to discuss his feelinfs with me. I know that's on me, and I'm working to repair my past mistakes.

The situation at home is not the greatest, since I was the one that opened the divorce topics with him, and I did it in a bad way at a time when I wasn't thinking clearly.

In the last period, I've noticed that he and his mother are hiding things from me. He has a phone, which is linked to my account, since he has restricted access to it. A few days ago, I wanted to show him something for school on his phone, and when he entered his password, he said I shouldn't look. But with his mother, he never did this.

And on another day, while we were cleaning his room, when putting stuff back on the shelves, I had a small notebook, which I haven't seen before, so I asked him what it was, and he immediately said it was private. Didn't think much of it, but his mother said it was a journal. Haven't looked inside, since I respect his privacy, so I have no idea if he really writes something in it.

But all this made me be suspicious. And unfortunately, what I came to find out is that he is being encouraged to hide things from me.

The mother is close friends with one of our neighbors, and one evening, while I went to a game, they went to the said neighbor, but told the next day, they were at gome that evening.

And I actually heard her telling him that he should go to bed because of me.

I am slowly trying to repair my relationship with my child, and am actually making progress, but I feel really betrayed by this.

For those that experienced similar issues, how did you navigate this?

I also feel betrayed by my child, but I know that the fact he's not so open towards me is partly my fault, not just the mother's.

We talk, but the most of the time, he just tells me about his games. Though that's not bad, I would love him to also talk to me about his feelings and emotions.

I haven't confronted the mother about her encouraging him to hide things from me, since I am afraid that this will only hurt me more in the divorce.

He is closer to the mother, since I worked overtime to keep the bills paid and she was unemployed for a long time, and worked only part time after our child started kindergarden, and also other bad moments from my side.

If I start a discussion with her about something, he always thinks I am the one arguing with her, and I am the one at fault.

I am really scared of losing him, so I need to thread very carefully.

Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

Hi dads. I am 39 and have a 10 yo. After series of being cheated on, I'm finally taking the plunge into the single life.

My wife is quite manipulative, and after I've disclosed that I want a divorce, she was rather warm to me, but I've come to learn that she is working on a plan for her benefit, with things like:

* trying to get the full custody of our child, meaning I would get only every second weekend, even though I would have liked to split the time and responsibilities equally.

* since she earns less than me, she plans to get a second job after the divorce (or work more hours), but only after the amount for the alimony is settled, meaning she wants to squeeze as much as possible.

* she already complains a lot to her family about me, but is always trying to seem affectionate towards me.

* we are renting an apartment, and I agreed to let her keep the apartment even though it is rented on my name, since I think that my son needs to still have a familiar environment going through the divorce, only to understand that she just wants me to be the one to leave first. Her plan is to move shortly after that. She already started to look for apartments.

Due to her cheating, I've ended up being depressed for years, and my relationship with my son suffered due to this. Even now, though I'm trying to be the father he deserves, sometimes I feel like I'm being mocked by him the same way I was by his mom, and my reactions are not the best in those exact moments.

I do apologize afterwards, but it is sometimes too late.

How could I best navigate this and be a better father for him?

And are there any other advices you could offer?