Friends are trying to convince me that I'm an egg
(This is pretty much just a rant to sort my mind)
For anyone who doesn't know, egg is a term for people who have yet to figure out that they are trans
I am agender, AFAB
I've been out for about 3-4 months
I haven't changed my name and I told people that idc about pronouns, because I don't
I'm fine with she/her, I'd be fine with he/him or they/them
Lately, my FtM friend has been making a list of "signs" that I too, am a trans man
This list includes:
- not particularly liking my boobs (I'm worried about other people's perception of them, I personally don't really care)
- being insecure about my body in general
- I cut my long hair off, it is now a bit over shoulder length and a wolfcut
- I read yaoi
- I've said that I would like to experience living in a male body for a day
- I don't like the thought of sexual penetration when the scenario includes me (I am asexual, I don't like the thought of me in a sexual scenario in general)
- I would like to have a moustache because they look cool
- seeing male characters and people, wanting to look like them
- wanting to be taller (I'm 160cm)
There were 11 other "reasons" but those were entirely not plausible and simply a way of adding more to the list
I feel really uncomfortable with this. I have said multiple times that I am not a trans man. I have outed myself for a reason, because I wanted the people I trust to know.
What is bothering me the most is that my friend is thinking in typical gender roles
So what if I want a moustache, more masculine clothing and an androgynous haircut? So what if I see an attractive person and want to look like them? The whole point is that I don't see the gender of these things, I just like what I like and am what I am
Other "signs" like wanting to be taller or being insecure feel like he's using my insecurities to convince me. I don't have gender envy, I feel envy because people look good and I don't look like them
No, I'm not always happy with my looks and weight. Yes, I would like to be taller. But once again, these things I don't put in gendered boxes are suddenly being called male, simply because I want them
Using my asexuality is also a weird argument. I'm not asexual because I don't want to have sexual relations with my current body, I'm asexual because I don't feel sexual attraction towards others.
Also... Yaoi. The main audience of yaoi are straight women, be so for real right now
My point is, I feel like my outing is being undone, simply because others cannot grasp that not everything has to be gendered. I wouldn't mind being called he. I call myself "Dane" in fictional scenarios like RPGs, because I like the name.
I'm bothered by the fact that I'm being pushed into a box I don't want to be in and I don't understand why another non-cis person is trying to do that so desperately
It's making me dislike my friend at certain times and makes me feel icky around him, which I don't want