u/Then-Cartographer-54

Every time the thought of how much i loss in a session or in general even graces my mind my heart completely drops. I replay events in my head over and over again telling myself if I’m ever in the same situation I won’t ever make the same mistake again. And next thing I know i’m in the same situation and I make the exact same mistake that left me in a struggle for months. I’m so stupid. It’s so painful. Stupidest fucking decision ever. I’m just gonna say what it was. I put saved up for months and put almost every penny i saved up on a bet that was -1500. It’s genuinely laughable. Just for some free gas money for a week or two. I’ll never amount to anything.

Been putting it off my entire life but I just have no other choice anymore. Don’t know where to begin or what to even say. Just so embarrassing…

As horrible as it felt having absolutely nothing to my name… my next genius move was to take out a loan for the first time. Of course it’s all gone. I have no job. I lost everything from my months of employment. I have no answers. I hate myself. 2 weeks of compulsive gambling has done irreparable damage to me.

all the ambition I’ve ever had has gone towards gambling and trading. Every penny I’ve ever had has gone towards gambling and trading. The ongoing cycle of being up. Feeling like you’re on cloud nine. It’s always been temporary. They never last even close to as long as the lows. The lows last months as you slowly build yourself back up. And even then… the only thing on my mind is doing it all over again. All those months building yourself back up gone in just a couple days or even hours. Just chasing a feeling. It doesn’t matter how up you ever are. Because you won’t stop until you’re all the way back to the bottom and it’s an ongoing cycle that’ll never end. Everything I’ve ever worked for gone to this addiction all those days and hours of slowly building myself up for nothing. I always thought it was my drug and alcohol addiction but after 6 months of sobriety not a thing has changed. Years of my life absolutely nothing to show for it, but guilt and shame.