Should I follow my heart or my brain this time?
I’m a 35-year-old gay woman living in a pretty conservative country where being openly gay is still complicated. I’ve always known I liked women, and I’ve dated women before, but a lot of them struggled to fully accept their attraction to women. Over time, those experiences hurt me more than I’d like to admit.
Because of that, I made a promise to myself: I would stop dating women who mainly date men or who are still unsure about their sexuality. I wanted someone who fully embraces who they are. The problem is… in my country, it’s already rare enough to find someone.
Recently, I met a woman who told me from the start that she liked being with women physically, but not emotionally. We ended up having something physical together, and honestly, it was incredible. For me, it was supposed to stay physical too, even though deep down I was already getting attached. I tried really hard to keep boundaries and protect myself emotionally.
But then, after a few days, she told me that being with me made her feel things she had never felt before. She said she started questioning herself for the first time, wondering if maybe she’s not only bisexual, but also bi-romantic, and capable of genuinely falling for a woman.
Everything between us became extremely intense.
I told her that I think this has to be her own experience and her own journey. Everyone has to figure these things out for themselves. But I was also honest with her: I told her that, ideally, I want to be with someone who can fully accept and embrace their sexuality.
She panicked a little. She told me she doesn’t know what the future looks like, she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to fully own this part of herself, especially considering where we live and how society is here. But she also said that whatever she feels with me is so intense that she’s willing to take the risk and see where it goes.
And now I feel completely torn.
I know I let myself go with her. I lowered my guard in a way I haven’t done in years. But because of my past experiences and the emotional trauma I carry from them, I’m terrified of getting hurt again.
My biggest question now is: should I follow my heart or my brain?
Because my whole life, I’ve followed my heart, and honestly, it usually doesn’t end well for me. But at the same time, I know that if I only listen to my brain, I might miss out on something real and meaningful that I’m actually living right now.
I also understand that one of the “side effects” of this kind of attachment is the crash that can come after it. And I genuinely don’t know how to handle that possibility.
I feel lost.