At what point does laziness become taking advantage of family?
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore about my older brother.
My brother is 24 years old and if he had the choice, he would sleep all day and play video games all night. He isn’t a horrible person. Sometimes he can actually be sweet — he’s cooked for us before, bought gifts occasionally, and can be funny to be around. But those moments are rare compared to how he normally acts.
Ever since graduating high school, he’s basically done the bare minimum in life. It took him forever to even get a job, and when he finally did, that became the only thing he was willing to do. He never thought about school, future plans, career goals, or anything beyond just existing day to day.
The problem is he can’t even hold a job because he’s irresponsible. He’s been fired multiple times for constantly being late and not taking things seriously. Worse, he lies to my mom about it instead of being honest. He also lies or avoids basic adult responsibilities like making appointments, paying bills, or handling his car payment. Anytime my mom asks him to do something, he either “forgets,” says he doesn’t know how, or ignores it until later and just expects forgiveness.
He also contributes almost nothing to the house. He leaves messes everywhere, barely cleans, eats a ton of food late at night (which stresses my mom out financially), and now that he’s unemployed again, he still barely helps despite having all the free time in the world.
What frustrates me the most is how he reacts when anyone calls him out. Instead of taking responsibility, he acts like the victim and says things like nobody likes him or nobody wants him around. We’ve tried explaining that people would have a much easier time being around him if he actually tried improving his habits or helping out, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
Meanwhile, I’m 19 years old and have only been working my first job for 3 months and a full time job at that, and I’m already handling my own appointments, helping my mom financially, and contributing to the house however I can. Now it’s getting to the point where I might have to help pay HIS car payment because the car is under my mom’s name and his irresponsibility could hurt her credit.
I’m exhausted watching my mom work so hard while my adult brother acts like a teenager with no motivation to change.
I genuinely want advice. How do you get someone like this to understand how they are affecting others and themselves? Has anyone dealt with a sibling like this before, and did they ever change?