9 weeks and considering what to do.
I was dating a guy for 4 months when we found out I was pregnant. Initially we had discussed keeping it. We had convos about what that would look like and he even said he had baby fever. He ended up talking to his sister and decided he wanted me to have an abortion.
This hurt me, he had already talked to a couple friends, go worker and his mom. So him telling his sister he wanted me to terminate before he spoke to me first hurt me. He responded with “I hope you’re not saying I can’t talk to my sister” no validation of it being hurtful etc.
He had to got on a month long work trip a week after us finding out. He knew I did not want to terminate as I’ve had 2 in the past in my 20s and I’m now 32f and he’s 33m. We fight a lot while he’s in his trip. He’s mostly only available before or after long 12 hour work shifts so the convos are short and emotionally exhausting and go in circles. Hes tired. I’m dizzy nauseas emotional. He spends his days off hanging out w co-workers. Going to museums. When I say I want to keep it, he tells me it’s a mistake. He asks me to just go to the termination appt anyways. (Says this is just a question not pressure).
In the end I start lashing out a lot. I’m very hurt for how this trip has went and a lot of comments he’s made and his lack of empathy. He now feels that our relationship won’t work and he only wants to co-parent. Says he’s unhappy he’s having a kid w me and that the things I said when lashing out are worse than him being upset he’s having a kid w me / telling me it’s a mistake to keep it.
I feel out of control of my feelings. I’m a way I’ve never felt. I even called a hotline thinking I’m having a mental breakdown. They suggested I talk to my OB about these feelings I have exp of what I did when lashing out and they said it doesn’t sound unreasonable considering the circumstances.
Today I have an appt w my ob I a few hours. I’m supposed to decide at this point if I’m doing MA or keeping it. I still haven’t made the choice and it’s within 3 hours. I feel like things have gone so far with him, it’s no turning back. I’m embarrassed for how I’ve acted but at the same time he takes no responsibility for his part.