Stressed out trying to divide chores, am i the asshole?
Partner just graduated from school and is starting in the world as a baby doctor. While I am beyond proud, doing everything I can to support her and make her life easier, I am having trouble accepting the division of labor around the house.
For context, we were long-distance while she was in school, and when I visited her, I made sure to prep meals, do laundry, clean the house, and generally take care of chores. Now that we live together (thank god), I still find myself taking care of the bulk of, if not all, the household tasks. I get it; I work from home a substantial amount, so I necessarily have more opportunities to take care of household tasks or put something in the oven that will be ready when she gets home. On one hand, I really enjoy being able to take care of her every need, morning, midday, evening, and night, but it can be a lot.
It isn't like I am not working hard too; I routinely have 50 and 60-hour work weeks. That being said, I still genuinely enjoy taking care of her and doing everything I can to make sure that she can focus on the job 100%.
Recently, we had a conversation where I expressed how much of a burden this all was, and that I would appreciate her contributing little things to the house when she can. It did not go over well, and now I made her feel as if I do not want to do these things and am asking for too much. She has said that she can't continue to be "on" when she comes home from work, and that adding chores would change our relationship too much for her. I am not asking her to cook a meal, or do the laundry; rather, I am just looking for her to pick up her clothes or wash the dishes after I make dinner.
Am I the asshole for thinking that I am not asking for too much? Please, no hate, she is a wonderful and caring partner, but I am a bit frustrated at her conclusion that she simply can't do even the smallest chores after work without feeling overwhelmed to the point where we cannot have any quality time together.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? Any tips for how I can communicate better or express myself better? Thanks everyone, happy 4th <3