Do yall ever miss it?
I grew up going to church 3 times a week from the ages of 5-19, I am currently 23. My whole life was there and honestly it was FUN I loved going to youth group, and I loved being children’s ministry leader. I loved having so so many people in my life that I could rely on and be of service to. But I am trans and queer and polyamorous and those things all were in conflict with my sect of Christianity (and I would say all Christianity I believe?).
Ultimately I was outed at church when I was outed by my best friend’s father (because he found out we had a bit of a thing going) and pretty much lost it all over night. He went around and told everyone I was queer and that I shouldn’t be allowed to volunteer with the children, from there everyone looked at me differently and I just felt so much pressure I stopped going.
I know I’m looking back on it with rose coloured glasses, I know when I was there I was tormented by by fears of going to hell and was being bullied by adults as a 16 year old.
But today my sister was showing the family a vlog of her young adults retreat and I could help but feel so sad and upset that I couldn’t still be apart of it.
Is this a common feeling when deconstructing or is it a sign? Like if I miss it this much maybe there’s something there