u/Thick-Aspect-4404

Hi, new to the group here. I was recently cast in my affirming church's production of Godspell, and as the only trans person at the church (and the only physically disabled young person), I was really happy to be included. However, today, I found out that every other cast member got solos, but they actively took away the solo assigned to my character without explanation (Jeffrey) and said that someone else would sing it.

I'm heartbroken, and I was hoping some of you might have advice on whether I should ask the directors why they made the decision? Or insight on why they may have made this choice when the cast is already missing at least one role?

TWs: internalized transphobia, "male privilege," not passing

33 FTM here, pre-top surgery, pausing T due to the current political situation in my country.

Recently an AMAB friend I've had for 8 years and was the best man at my wedding came out as non-binary, they/them.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back with them.

Over the last year, they've been at almost all of our GNC/non-binary/trans support group meetings and are very respectful and supportive of all our friends' identities.

But not mine.

I don't know if they just want to take their internalized transphobia out on me or what, but subtle digs have caused me to grow angrier than a wasp's nest over the last few months.

Grievances:
- They called me a weak singer and compared my pre-T voice (I haven't taken enough T for much voice change) to the golden-voiced bass in our choir. Didn't think to apologize til I brought it up how much it hurt me, and they asked that if I'm hurt to bring it to them sooner next time, which to me seems like putting an additional burden on someone who has been hurt.

-They joked about how they pass better for male than I do, despite them being non-binary, in front of so many of our trans friends. My face burned with embarrassment and resentment. Of course the AMAB with the full beard passes better for male than I do! I don't need it rubbed in my face!

-They joked about me having "male privilege" for having short hair??? Because I can take quick showers, while their hair is long so they can't?
I don't have any so-called "male privilege" while they do because of how they were assigned and how they present.

I've been so angry at them for the last few months. Like, how dare they make all these comments about me and then want my support when they came out as non-binary?

We're both autistic and have ADHD, but what really got to me is that they used their conditions as an excuse to blurt out the hurtful comment about me not passing.

The only good part of this story is that my two best friends in the transmasc community are going to help us talk about all of this together, but honestly? The damage feels like it won't be fixed with a sorry, as these things keep repeating.

Looking for commiseration and similar stories. I'm beyond irate at this point.