AITAH for not checking in on my grandma since my grandpa’s death?
I’m 22F and my sister is 24F. My grandparents live a few states away, so we didn’t see them all the time, but I’ve always been extremely close to my grandpa. I’ve always been a grandpa girl, so losing him has been really hard.
My grandpa passed away unexpectedly around July 5th-6th while my grandma was visiting us for the 4th of July. She went home a few days later and found him.
I know my grandma lost her husband and everyone grieves differently. I’m not expecting her to grieve the same way we do. But some of the things that happened afterward have really changed how I feel about her.
Once she was allowed back into the house, she immediately started getting rid of my grandpa’s clothes and belongings. By the time my dad drove several states away to help her, a lot of his stuff was already gone.
When I got there for the funeral, the house didn’t even smell like him anymore. His things were gone and it honestly felt like he had never been there. It was heartbreaking.
My sister and I were also barely able to keep anything of his. Anything we DID get was only because my dad put it in his truck before my grandma could get rid of it.
My grandma told my sister she could have a hand-carved top that belonged to my grandpa. My sister was really happy about it. The next day, my grandma decided to give it to someone else instead. She didn’t even tell my sister, she just told my dad and assumed he would pass it along.
She also kept accusing us of stealing things. She would ask things like “who stole my checkbook?” while looking at us, even though it was in her purse. There were multiple accusations like this. Meanwhile, an estranged family member who was actually there DID take things, and she basically didn’t care.
The hardest part was how it felt like nobody else’s grief mattered. Whenever my dad or someone else would cry, she would say, “That’s my husband.” I understand that he was her husband, but he was also our dad and grandpa. It felt like she was dismissing everyone else’s loss.
She also showed up late to his celebration of life and left early to get food. That night, my sister and I stayed at the house with her, and she went out with a friend to get ice cream.
There are more details, but these are most of the major things.
I know grief can make people act differently and I know she is hurting. I just don’t know what exactly to do. It’s been a little bit at this point and of course more things have happened but I just don’t feel how I used to about her anymore sadly.
So, AITAH for pulling away and not checking in on my grandma